Debunking the Lunkheads

Halfway through the season, the Dodge are at .500.  It's as if the season hasn't happened.  Oh, it has...but you really had to follow them each and every day to see the tide lay flat, go low, and rise again.  If you didn't do that, and you were just looking at how LA is playing of late, you'd foolishly attribute this to the manager.  As a CBS Sports.com employee, you'd then be motivated to write tripe such as this:

"Dodgers' decision on Don Mattingly among first-half bests"

Of course, I could just post this article and we'd all have a laugh and return to the beer in front of us and enjoy life.  But to let this stand is to give acceptance of someone taking the uneasy task of writing about all big league teams, and in doing so, thinking they're right.  I know fuck-all about the Pirates...you notice I don't write about Pittsburgh's team.  Who'd have the time to KNOW about all teams?  

"It was mere weeks ago when Mattingly was so close to being fired that he was last seen at the end of a plank on a pirate ship. At least, that's pretty much what everyone wrote, said and thought. Now, the guy could wind up being NL Manager of the Year, and wouldn't that be something?"

How the shit would this happen?
1. The Dodgers win 40 games in a row.
2. I don't know...I'm at a loss.

As it stands, there are 6 teams in the NL with a better record than the Dodgers.  At this point last season, the Dodgers were 47-40.  So...Donny Mustache is doing better this year, I guess?  That makes sense when you consider last year we didn't have Gonzo, Puig, Greinke, Crawford, Hanley...should I go on? 

"Against NL West opponents, the Dodgers are 14-3 in their past 17 games. On June 22, they were a season-worst 9½ games out of first place. Sunday, they were 2½ back. That's a net gain of seven games in the standings in 22 days."

Funny, but it was the same man who managed the team at the start of the season...when the Dodgers were getting swept at home by San Diego and Arizona, looking like poop against the Giants.  What were Manager of the Year and his pal Ned doing during this start?

Being as stubborn as a toddler.

No one likes to be proven wrong.  It's inevitable in life, and certainly in a sport where you play 162 games...but home many times did Brandon League have to simply take a dump on the mound?  How many losses did he have to single-handedly create for Donny to pull the trigger for anyone else?!  How long did guys such as Cruz, who simply didn't have it anymore, remain in the line-up? 

When injuries started the season, and there were plenty, you got to see the REAL Donny manage.  He had to manage a real situation.  He turned to Ned, who simply brought the same old revolving door names from seasons past to LA.  No one was anticipating Justin Sellers to match Hanley's numbers...but you get neither the hitting nor fielding.  To watch things get worse showed the lack of action in this group.  I remember a Dusty Baker quote from his days with the Cubs.  They weren't winning (there's a shock).  Dusty said he just needed his starting pitching to be healthy.  He needed Prior and Wood to throw 180 pitches a game while he gnawed on toothpicks...then he'd be a good manager! 

"Even with Greinke missing several weeks earlier with a broken collarbone, Dodgers starters rank third in the majors with a 3.40 ERA."

Yes, Greinke has returned to form.  But if your starters are that good, how are you not winning games?
1. You can't score.
2. Your bullpen fucks up.

When the starter leaves a game for the Dodgers, that's when it gets interesting.  Donny (as I've written more times than I care to remember) learned from the mind of Joe Torre.  Joe had likely the finest closer in history in New York.  He had a DH.  So he sat on the bench...waited for his team to get the lead...and knew it was money in the bank.  If there were other bullpen pitchers in the game, they had to go by the 9th for you know who.

Watch a Dodger game (if Bud will let you find it) from the first half of the season: Late innings become The Donny Double Switch Show.  Players and positions move, Donny never confident that a relief pitcher can last more than an inning because no matter what, the ENTIRE LINE-UP WILL HIT THIS INNING...MARK SAID WE'RE GETTING HOT.

It has totally screwed us in games...and not just series like the Atlanta trip in May which was painful.  By continuing to double switch throughout the game, you're making it harder for yourself to continue line-up & bullpen if a close game arrives in the 9th or beyond.  Donny never seems to realize that, because of said switches, he has the pitcher's spot up AGAIN.  Well, better take that guy out and...gimme the guy off the bench who can't hit .200 - any of them.

If you say Donny isn't to blame for having no depth on the bench or minors, look at Ned, who is still operating most days in a McCourt haze.  The Nolasco trade stunned me because Ned was actually making a move.  What took him so long?!  Waiting to see if he should do a fire sale? 

It doesn't take a genius to know if a player isn't performing or is injured you need someone else in there...and if THAT player isn't working, you don't stick to your guns.  You get another fucking player.  Anyone...just try.  How the hell would you know if someone wouldn't work unless you tried it?

That short-sighted view (that so many old-time baseball fans and employees stick to) does no good when you're 9 games under .500 in June.  Instead, we saw minor deals, players mercifully sent down or cut, and our heads just at the horizon line. 

All this - Manager of the Year?!

That's (Expletive) Teamwork!

(Dodgers legend Tommy Lasorda stayed up after extra innings to relay his excitement.)

Way to go!  How do you like that?  We sweep Arizona, get back to .500, and we're just outside of first place.  And how did we do it on this road trip?  Fucking teamwork!  The starting pitching shows up (well, except when that lunkhead Capuano starts), we score with timely hitting, and clean up in our division!

First of all, I haven't written on this "blog" in a while, and was meaning to tell all you Dodger (and baseball fans) a Happy 4th of July.  We really live in the greatest country in the world!  Where else can I call up a friend in Denver and get the proper supplies to soak bratwurst in my award winning wine before grilling them the morning of the game?  I don't recommend doing that by the way.  The taste was a bit off, but you know my famous words: Never Waste Food.  Eating 6 of those, remorsefully, for lunch wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done.  In fact, I'm convinced that's why we lost that night.  That and the fact Capuano started.  Better yet, try grilling Italian Sausage, add the pasta of your choice, peas, a few cherry tomatoes and then add the wine at the end.

Huh?  Right, what was I saying?  There were a few reasons why we've landed in this spot.  It took us over 2 months just to get back to even!  I don't mind saying I'm a big reason why, but here are others:

That kid Nolasco came to LA, where he wants to play.  He's a solid started and he should take Capuano's place.  Unfortunately Stephen Fife is now injured with shoulder problems.  Those shoulder problems are unfortunately not due to pitching.  You know how it is with the young guys: you break em in to the major leagues.  I had him carry my cooler around San Francisco last weekend during that series.  There's plenty of good restaurants up there, but I always want to be comfortable on the road.  All I had in the cooler was a case of my award winning wine, prosciutto, provolone, peppered salami, and 2 loaves of bread.  If that's too much, well now he and I know.  He'd better rehab that shoulder to do the heavy lifting, capice?

Secondly, we're finally hitting the shit out of the ball.  I'm still not thrilled to have another outsider like Mark McSteroid on my team, but he always gave me a look when I'd correct his advice to our hitters.  And by correct, I mean I'd walk in to his office after lunch and let loose a few steamers.  He'd get back and knew it was me but never said anything.  You can imagine that, lately, I haven't had the need to resort to that old trick.

Third, in Arizona I paid a kid to wire our bullpen phone to my box.  Each night, Donny Mustache tried to send in Brandon League at different points, and all he'd get is me answering the phone.  "Tommy?  Sorry, guess this isn't working."  You know what happened next?  He just sat there.  So, once I'd see the need, I'd get on the phone and say "Gimmie whoever" and I don't mind telling you I made the right fucking moves.  Look at last night: guys stayed in until I took them out.  I bet Donny could see that relief pitchers can stay in longer than an inning...but he was probably consumed with trying to get gum out of a wrapper.

These are the facts: 4 at home with Colorado before the All-Star game.  We keep this up, we're at the top at the break.  I didn't see that coming.  It's like a waiter who gives you a free cannoli because he's impressed with your knowledge of risotto: you smile and eat it immediately.  You deserve those desserts!

Notable Quotables

"When we win a game, it's a team win...when we lose a game, it's a team loss."
-Morris Buttermaker, North Valley League Coach

Here it is, opening day (Only Bud would spread out "Opening Day" to become "Opening Week") and we find out the Dodgers' Cy Young pitcher has the stomach flu.  Vin says he wants to pitch, and so he does.  The camera is sure to have a close-up on Kershaw's face in-between pitches as he holds back dry heaves.  Nice touch.  Vin summarizes Kershaw's ailments and says "he had diarrhea, upchuck, fever, all of that."  Vin said "upchuck"; I can die in peace.

Through 3 innings, a sick Kershaw gives up 2 hits and strikes out 3.  He also gets a hit himself with one of the weakest swings since I visited the batting cages.  Supposedly, Donny Mustache saw Kershaw laying down in the hallway in-between innings and decided that was enough.  This means, instead of a rock who can go 9 no problem, the Dodge have to turn the rest of the game over to the bullpen. 

(Nervously looked away from the TV)

As up in the air as things still might be, we can be thankful for those wise words...

"Life sucks, and then you manage the Padres."
-Donovan Brandt

But...not a real bad performance.  In the car listening to the 7th, I began to hear dreaded words.

"Bottom of the 7th, and Matt Guerrier in for the Dodgers."
-Charley Steiner

GRRRR.  We didn't trade him, or cut him.  He's here, not Albuquerque.  (sigh)  Fine...show me what you got.  No runs/no hits?  Ah...the coin landed "heads" and you looked like a good pitcher.  Hoo boy, after a Matt Kemp zonk, up 4, Donny must have felt truly secure sending in...Kenley Jansen.  Can I give that guy a key to the city of Alb---

NICE.  NICE TOUCH, JANSEN.  Give those 2 runs back. 

OK, what the hell is wrong with me?  Am I overly concerned because I see so little different in this team's personnel from last year?  Should I calm down because it'll be a month until we can actually spend money?  If this was a random game in July, I wouldn't really care so...

The 9th comes, and Javy Guerra, a pitcher mentioned on this blog a year ago overdue to arrive in town, gets the save.  When the Dodge get 5 runs, it should be consider an offensive explosion.  (Unlike an "offensive explosion" that happens when Tommy visits the can)  So we waited all winter...it's just a matter of adjusting your priorities now that the season started.  Take it from Tommy, who left this nugget on Twitter while visiting Peoria a few weeks ago:

"If you think you can break the meatball record @grimaldispizza come join me."

Don't ever change, Pisan.

Making (by not making) Deals

I know, I don't go to Deadspin for real baseball analysis.  Their whole exercise is supposed to be for fun.  But then I see this article.  The Mariners signed Hong-Chih Kuo.  Good for them, and I wish him luck.  This article referred to him as a longtime Dodger, which is correct.  Now, here's where it gets incorrect:

"OK, injuries, makeup, all that, whatever. Hong-Chih Kuo has a career 10.6 strikeouts per nine innings. 10.6 strikeouts per nine! Where does a team find that on the open market without coaxing Armando Benitez out of retirement? Nowhere, that's where."

Hell of a career for Kuo, especially if you eliminate his 2011 stats.  He was a vital part of the bullpen in Torre's days.  But Joe doesn't manage the team, Donny Mustache does...and let's look at those 2011 Kuo stats.

(With injuries during the year, mind you)
1-2 record
9.00 ERA
Games: 40
Innings Pitched: 27

"He looked better when he came off the disabled list."

No stats were given to back up that statement.  I guess you take things like that on faith, such as "you broke your nose 2 weeks ago, but your face is starting to look better."

Now, beyond the gigantic ERA, another thing to point out: how does one play in 40 games yet only pitch 27 innings?  You achieve such a stat by coming in the game and not getting anyone out.  Sad truth is, for another "up in the air" Dodgers year (fiscally), there are closers older and younger on the team that have a lower ERA, aren't constantly injured, and cost less (or will cost less once a deal is made).  In essence, they're the same as Kuo.  Difference is they didn't used to be good.  They're better as of now, too.

It's a business.  And if you're a sleazeball selling a team, you want shit to be together as possible.  You have to look deals.  Giving a million to a 9 ERA, not a good deal.  Perhaps a change of scenery will do him good...but the Dodgers don't have to pay for it (with what little cash they have).