Just when you think you can't hate the White Sox any more

They go and do something like this:



1. Hey, is that the look you give when you turn 'round and watch one scream over the fence?

2. The only people in the world who dye their facial hair are incredible douchers. Bobby Jenks included.

Happiness List

There's not been much to make me happy about watching baseball for most of the season. My list of all time "happy moments" breaks down like this:

1. Watching the Twins play Twins Baseball and beat a team like Kansas City or Detroit because they have stopped trying for the day. (note: this is usually accompanied by Dazzle saying something like "That's just a little league play right there")

2. Watching the White Sox run it right down their leg, for the whole world to see. (note: it's always in seasons or games when they have otherwise had success... for example, Mark Buerhrle throws a perfect game in the same year that they lose 20-1 to the Twins)

3. Watching Boston or New York fail, because no one can ever seem to come up with explanations for why, just WHY, they could possibly ever not win it all.

So, with that said, today's Number Two (in more ways than one, OHHHH!) by the White Sox was just about the most awesome moment of the season. Ozzie, take it away:

"Well, we came to New York and visited the new Yankee Stadium. It is a very nice ballpark, and the hotel we stayed at was also very nice," manager Ozzie Guillen said. "That's all I have to say about these last three days."

Every single failure of their organization and the way their lives are run is on full display for us all to see. And they make their way to the Metrodome, a building in which they don't even know how to flush the toilet properly, let alone hit a baseball. This will be VERY fun.

I can't make this up

This man has a first name of Kyler. Not Kyle. Kyler. Like Tyler. But not. Kyler just got called up to the Bigs. Well done, sir. As someone who is just beginning his MLB career . . . what would be a good last name for him?

Because that's it.

You'll notice that due to his lack of a defined chin (due to obesity) he's simply taken a sharpie and penciled himself some face-hair. Just to make sure you know where his head ends and his neck begins.

Twins on a decent streak right now

Ok Dickfer, so who do we have pitching tomorrow?



Uh. Oh.

That appears to be an "unheralded minor leaguer".

DID SOMEONE SAY OVER?

----------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: AND SPEAKING OF OVERS

And just who is pitching for the White Sox, tomorrow, against Boston, in Boston, with the Green Monster and short porch?



He's back. He pitches for the White Sox, and he's starting tomorrow. The lead headline on Sportsline reads "Garcia unimpressive in first start". OH NO SHIT?

I did not realize the utter awfulness that is White Sox pitching. I've been sitting here all year thinking that I couldn't imagine a more inconsistent, frustrating staff, from 1 to 12, than the Minnesota Twins. But the White Sox start BOTH Contreras and Freddy Fuck Garcia. Earlier in the year, they let Bartolo Colon pitch for them. Take a minute out of your day, for the rest of the season, and re-read those previous two sentences. If it doesn't make you smile every day, I'll swallow nails.

All of that being said, if the Twins can't overtake at least the White Sox, then all is truly lost, and we should just load up the '87 DVDs and bask in the glory that is Bruno's mustache.

Hello

You don't even know what you're saying right now

The Blue Crew has mirrored the Twins of late - a slide worthy of opening the "safety" parachute simultaneously. Los Angeles has plenty of sports talk shows but as I've said there's only one worth your listening time: Dodger Talk.

But even the usual can become unusual. Listen to how, even after a win, they can't help but resort to the competition's level.

A parody of sports talk radio that was actually on the air.

Gold

So hey . . .

Go Vikings!

I'll check back for the call-ups on OUR Twins. That should be interesting.

New Dude in the Bullpen

He was warming up. I saw him. Last name Manship.

Man.

Ship.

Welcome Mr. Manship. Go get'em.

I'm sorry, the score is?

Come again?

The Royals? In the dome?

And they've got how many?

Oy.

Hey, we got . . .

Screw it. I gave up after 5 minutes on baseball reference. Matt Grrr really does lead the league in holds, doesn't he?

Section 220 guy touched on the Twins remaining schedule. The back of my yellow tablet counts:

12 games vs. Cleveland 8-4
12 games vs. KC 8-4
10 games vs. Detroit 5-5
7 games vs. Texas 3-4
6 games vs. Chi Sox 3-3
4 games vs. Toronto 2-2
3 games vs. Baltimore 2-1
3 games vs. Oakland 2-1

I have to use the back of the tablet since all the pages were used and had writing on them like:

Gophers vs. NDSU -> key game Central Michigan.

Still bitter at Vegas.

Anyway, I have us about 85-77 to end the season. I don't see anything overly optimistic with those wins and losses. 85 wins might win the AL Central this year.

That is the problem.

Like the Vikings winning the NFC North last year, the Twins could/should win a very weak division this year. That gives everyone that matters a false sense of security.

We can't be that bad, we won the division.

You are.

You got owned by the Angels, Yankees, and Red Sox. The season will last 3 or 4 more games longer than the Nationals . . . at most.

FUBB round up

7/31 - Friday's game = Definition of FUBB

8/1 - Saturday's game = Whatever, let's go non-FUBB.

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Bill Smith has forced me to look at various teams and bullpens in an upcoming post titled,

"Hey, we got Cabrera, but . . ."

Fair is fair . . .

Blog favorite Jesse Crain got the win last night. Oh sure, a couple 5-4-3 double plays helped. In order for that to happen, though, a batter has to get on base. The AL Central needs to be dissolved is basically what I am saying.

Bill Smith is starting to scare me

Since Bill Smith has been catching heat lately . . . Sid to the rescue.

The quote:

"Unfortunately, we've had to tap into the Rochester market a few times this year. Certainly, with [Pat] Neshek and [Boof] Bonser and now [Kevin] Slowey, on the DL, we've tapped that market. I think we probably have to look further outside now. Jesse Crain is back and threw the ball well the other day. And hopefully he can come back and help us here over the next two months.''

The other day Jesse Crain threw the ball and ended the game in Anaheim and the Angels won. Is that the outing that he threw the ball "well", Bill? God, Drew was correct, it is going to be LaTroy. Way to look "outside", Bill.

Two Items Of Importance

1. When you hit .098, get sent to Omaha, and then this happens, I think it's safe to say that life hasn't exactly turned out according to projections.

2.



Grow a beard or not, Fatty Napps.

Nathan this time

I am going to have to hang this one on Nathan. He didn't lose it, but he should have ended it. You can't expect anyone else to hang on for a win, especially against an actual baseball team. Let's see who got the loss . . . ahh, wait a second here, OK he is back. Version 2.0 not any better. Or is it version 1.1? Is this our trade deadline "move"?

Collapse Like No Other

Ok, sorry to Tommy and friend, but this needs front page treatment.

When you score 13 runs in a game.... when Justin Morneau hits a grand slam and a three run homer IN THE FIRST THREE INNINGS, when your "staff ace" is on the hill, when your bullpen has been pitching actually quite well recently, and when you play the THIRTY EIGHT AND FUCK FIFTY TWO ATHLETICS...

YOU

SHOULD

WIN

THE

GAME

Let's just see here: Blackburn gives up seven runs in 5 innings. That's horse-piss. Nick Punto bats second, which is a good spot if you can, you know, GET A HIT IN FIVE AT BATS WHICH HE CANNOT BECAUSE OF HIS STUPIDNESS. And then that bullpen... Keppel and Mijares just run it right down their leg in a 7 run 7th, culminating in a grand fuck slam to tie the game.

Oakland's starting pitcher, one Gio Gonzalez... you ready for this? 2.2 INNINGS PITCHED. TEN HITS.

ELEVEN EARNED RUNS.

He gets a no decision out of that.

I've gone through a lot this year, ups downs, strikes, gutters, but this one is the worst loss of the year by far, just awful. Just a dogshit performance, a complete muck-up of a game that should've ended with Morneau breaking the Twins record for RBI in a game. Instead it ends with a loss to Oakland and a further slip in the standings.

I'll say it again right now, just like I said it last year: I cheer for this team. I want them to have success. But they DO. NOT. DESERVE. to win the central division. If they are in the race, it's only an indicator of how horseshit the Tigers and Sox are.

It's last year, all over again.

Ok Justin!

Ok. Justin has seven RBI. It is the third inning.

EDIT:

HOLY FUCKING HORSE

Carlos Gomez and (not) stealing bases

First, if somehow this post can be put down the page so we can have still see Tommy, Nando, and a station that gave Gilbert Gottfried an entire night to do whatever he wanted, on the top of the page, please do.

Next, Carlos Gomez. Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the big plus to him was his ability to steal bases. Not Henderson/Coleman/Raines scary, but more than above average. I haven't been able to find what "average" is for a center fielder or someone like Gomez, but it seems like every time I watch him play, he gets caught. The above link has him 40 for 55 with the Twins. 73%, if I am reading this correctly. Is that a good percentage?

My point: If he can't steal bases almost at will, what's the point on having him.

Edit: Math is hard for me sometimes.

And now, the Second Half

With the All Star Game over, let's review what's coming in the "second half" of the baseball season with our analysts The Big Pisan and Nando!


That's right, Tommy Lasorda here for USA Network. What, you don't think they do sports anymore? Shit, maybe they don't but...I don't know...Burn Notice is a great show!

¡Es uno de mis programas televisivos predilectos!

Mine too. Now, I don't know if any of you watched the All Star game last night. You should have because it's the finest sport there is. However, it was on Fox, so if you listened on radio you heard Joe Morgan. Now, as great of a player as he was, he makes me wish I was deaf when he talks.

Soy un mejor locutor que Joe.

Yes, you are. Then again, so is everyone else. Anyway, if you missed it, the America League won again. Naturally, a Giant was on the mound giving up 2 runs early. But one thing everyone is talking about is the AL's dominance in the game. Sure, I'd like the National League to win.

Ganamos cuando eché.

You can say that again. But you know what? So the NL lost...who cares? Selig has us playing the fucking Angels and Mariners, shit like that. It's no big thing to play AL people anymore. Free agents moving around. But let me tell you something else. You think it's a big deal to win home field advantage in the World Series?

Nosotros no lo tuvimos en 1981, y nosotros todavía ganamos.

That's my point, Fernando. Ever since this switch, the AL, who's had the home field advantage every year, is 3-3 in the World Series. I'd be bent out of shape if the National League hadn't won the series since 2001, but we know that's not the case.

El Presidente dijo que jugamos "tremendo".

You better believe I heard that. The president of this great land signalled us out for our fine play in the first half. These boys better keep it up. GET BACK IN THERE, BOYS!

Not a FUBB

Even though the Twins bullpen (Dickey) finally blinked and lost in the 16th, this is not a FUBB. Bullpen did their job for 10+? innings. If anything when you are the home team in extra innings and you face Rodney for 2 innings, you need to end the game with a win.

In praise of a good bullpen appearance

Bobby Keppel threw this tonight against KC. Well done, sir. You will have nights where you get written about otherwise on this blog, no worries as you are human. Keep it up. If you can be the bridge to Joey NayNay, you will get paid.

I didn't get a chance to watch the 6/27 game, but those numbers looked OK, too.

Mama Mia!

Last night, the Dodgers beat up the White Sox. This is good news even to Twins fans, so how does the big Piasano celebrate? With world famous Farmer John Dodger Dogs!

One step forward...

They fired Crain because he couldn't get hitters out anymore.

GOOD MOVE

Today, in the 7th inning, nursing a one run lead, they turned to Sean Henn.

BAD MOVE

One step forward, one back. The failing goes on, almost unimpeded.

Rhymes with "Messy Drain is Barbage"

So long, Jesse. I hope you go to the minor leagues and never throw another pitch for the Minnesota Twins professional team ever again.