Mark my words

The Twins take a 3-2 lead going into the 7th inning.

The new pitcher is Sean "I couldn't hack it in New York's bullpen, so hey!" Henn.

The Rays will score more than 2 runs this game. MANY more.

Over the wall, men!

Two observations:

1. Prince Fielder is incredibly overweight. And that's really neat that he can turn the hips now and bang them to Kirby-land. But he's TWENTY FIVE years old. And he weighs at least 280 pounds. So, I'm just saying, he might want to think about what's going to happen when he can't catch up with the hott stuff because he put away too many double bacons from Applebees the night before. You know who to ask for advice? Matt LeCroy.

2. Joe Mauer has hit a home run in 5 of his last 7 games, and has jacked 10 in the MONTH OF MAY, and that's on 80 at-bats. Last year, he dinged 9 total for the year, in 536 at bats.

HEY HOW'S THE ASS MUSCLE?!?!?!

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It really makes you think about this team and how good they could be... when guys like Cuddyer and Crede start launching, they seem almost unbeatable, considering Joe and Justin will just keep doing what they do. But still, they lost SIX in a row. So I guess we'll see what happens... but at least I don't scream at my monitor every night now, and I count that as improvement. Mostly, I think it's because Jesse Crain has gone back to the hole he belongs in and Craig Breslow's ass was fired because a loser is a loser.

Eyes Like Dinner Plates

A pictorial essay on Morneau's 4 run dong in this evening's baseball game:

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"Hey, I thought it would be a good idea to give him one belt-high on the inside corner!"




"While Whip there is on the phone seeing who we've got left in that pen, I think I'm going to just scoot by and get myself another dip of Red Man. 'Scuse me coach."



"I think you can go get him now."

If we beat a team 20-1 . . .

how many wins do we get? Just one? Boooooo.

This Drew Boatman guy might be on to something

This is getting comical. At least you know what is going to happen. You can't get too mad . . . because you know it is coming. You just expect it. Funny, no? This was a tough FUBB to hand out all things considered (Mijares and his miracle against Matsui). FUBB is at 9.

Buddy Whackett?

I'm really getting fucking sick of these Yankees.

Maybe they could walk it off again. Maybe Alex would like to walk one off in the toilet.

I don't know what that means.

Let's do some analysis

Avid readers of this site have seen a theme of late. Let us analyze this theme. I did a quick look at all the Twins losses so far. I started from the 7th inning on to see just how many times our beloved bullpen have watched it run down their leg. I only did losses and not wins where they were bailed out (like the last two games). There might have been an error or two that I missed, but whatever. Let's take a look:

Legend: FUBB = Fuck up by bullpen.

Opener: Solid loss
4/9: Couldn't score
4/11: Score more
4/12: Solid loss
4/13: FUBB
4/15: Solid loss
4/16: FUBB
4/22: Solid loss
4/23: Starter's fault
4/26: Starter's fault
4/27: solid loss
5/2: FUBB
5/3: FUBB/Baker
5/5: Score more
5/6: Rain
5/7: FUBB
5/10: FUBB

That's about 6 losses due to the pen. Now, we all can't be perfect, 4 less FUBBs would put the Twins at 22-13 right now and one of the best records in the majors. Instead, just 18-17 and a half game out of 1st. That's a testament to the AL Central. Yeah, that's what we will call it, a testament. Let's see how this plays out during the year.

The Cards Don't Even Matter, I'll Play It Blind

The Twins lead the Tigers 7-5. It is in the top of the 7th inning. Perkins gave up 5 runs and was relieved by Luis Ayala.

We're into the bullpen, in the 7th. Ayala is still in there.

OH MY GOD WHY CAN'T I LIVE BET THIS GAME????????

I'm sure Jesse Crain is warming up right now.

This is a guaranteed loss.

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UPDATE: 4 pitch walk to Polanco to open the inning. NICE JOB DUMB FUCK!!!!


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2nd UPDATE: HA HA HA CLETE THOMAS DOUBLED OH MY GOD AYALA IS SO TERRIBLE AND I WOULD'VE PUT MY LIFE ON THIS EXACT SCENARIO HAPPENING.

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Fuck it, I'm making this a live blog. Matt Guerrier has entered the game. In the 7th inning. Runners on 2nd and 3rd, no outs. The pain is going to be severe.

AND THERE'S A BOMB BY CABRERA. 3 RUN JACK. I CAN'T

I WON'T

I CAN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING

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Jeff Larish hits a home run... we're at one out in the 7th inning and 4 runs are in so far.

There is absolutely nothing as frustrating in all of sports as cheering for a team with a shitty bullpen. Not "shaky". "SHITTY". They blow more games than they save. It is enough to make you break things. Seriously, I feel like breaking my monitor. What else can I do? Mail Bill Smith a letter telling him to get off his ass and DO HIS FUCKING JOB AND FIRE THE BULLPEN BECAUSE A LOSER IS A LOSER.

JESSE CRAIN IS GARBAGE

Holy fucking Moses, this bullpen could fuck up a cup of Maxwell House.

Jose Mijares walks Jose Lopez, then gives up a bomb to The Man Formerly Known As Ken Griffey.

HERE COMES JESSE CRAIN!!! 2 runs in, and we're still going.

I cannot quantify how frustrating it is to see Blackburn throw 7 innings of shutout ball, only to see these fucking jokers come in and just spill the beans all over the field.

Twins, doing what they do so well

What happens when you get 14 hits and two walks, only to score 4 runs?

YOU LOSE LIKE THE LOSERS THAT YOU ARE

Nice to see Joe Mauer back. Now we'll have someone on base for when Cuddyer and Delmon Young softly tap to the second baseman.

Oh, and did I see Carlos Gomez still playing major league baseball? I thought he'd be in AA ball by now. He deserves to be playing softball down at the rec center. Although that ball breaks a bit, so maybe not. Do they have tee ball in Fort Myers?