White Sox give up 5 runs in the 9th inning to lose, like the losers they are!
He's BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
So nice to see an old friend.
EDIT: The video that was previously posted here before was apparently automatically loading... so, goodbye. Anyway, resume discussing Matt Capps' belly.
That one is from January of 2010, and discusses our very own Jimothy Thome. It's spectacular, so I'll quote it here:
E-nough Already About Thome
I know it's just fans being fans, but the White Sox faithful are overreacting to Ozzie Guillen's decision to move on without Jim Thome and the slugger's subsequent signing with the rival Twins.
I know he was productive for the Sox and I know he's a great guy, but there simply wasn't a fit in the new Sox universe. I was upset when Joe Crede went to Minnesota because it just didn't sit well with me, but Thome not so much. Like Crede, he very well could beat us in a game or two, but that's baseball.
As a Sox fan friend of mine said yesterday, we're not going to lose the division because of Thome's departure--it's all about the pitching. And if things work out the way we think they will, that will be our major strength in 2010.
I'll leave you with this. Remember that some of the same Sox fans were scratching their heads and voicing their outrage over trading Carlos Lee and a minor leaguer for Scott Podsednik and Luis Vizcaino prior to 2005. So, how did that work out?
I think the thing that is truly funny about White Sox blogs - and as an extension, their fans - is that they have a real knack for bitching about their team, yet they always come back with some "Well it's bad, but we can still beat the Twins" nonsense.
Here's how this works: losing Jim Thome to the Twins was one of the worst GM decisions, ever. Not only did you trade him at the deadline for garbage, but then when he wanted to come back, the GM wouldn't even talk to him. Just "Nope, go away". They didn't sign him because they didn't want him at any price. Ok, so that's half of the worst thing ever. But then he went to YOUR DIVISION RIVAL. And he absolutely slaughtered it here, giving us the first respectable DH since Ortiz, and he wasn't on the sauce yet, so he sucked when he was here. I can't imagine that could have gone any worse for the White Sox. And yet, here's that attitude. The idea of "Well, it's bad, but we can still go get them". No you can't. The White Sox occasionally thrive on the circus atmosphere that their buffoon coach and dumb-o GM encourage, but it's always a freak occurrence. Sometimes it all aligns and they win 13 in a row. But the norm, for this new regime, is one of utter failure. Sure, they're not as bad as Kansas City, but that's because they spend 3 times as much money. If they had a small payroll, they might not win 10 games a season.
So, just admit it. Just someone, some honest White Sox fan out there, please write an article that says "Holy Jesus God, we really ballsed up that Jim Thome thing". Say the truth. "We let Jim Thome go to our division rival and now they are even better and we are worse and we got nothing from that deal and now we get to play golf early". Other fanbases don't have a problem with this.
And then there was last night. While the Sox fell to the Twins, 8-5, a incident involving Paul Konerko best illustrates what the 2010 Pale Hose have been all about.
In the first inning, with two outs and Omar Vizquel at first base, a Carl Pavano pitch collided with Konerko's face. Being led off the field by Ozzie and trainer Herm Schneider, Paulie refused to come out of the game and jogged to first, fat lip and all. Then, in the third frame, Konerko got the appropriate revenge by smashing his 37th homer of the season.
You can make the case that this scenario is the Sox season in a nutshell. It can be summed up this way: resiliency, resiliency, resiliency.
Wow. Ok, here we go again. See, there are two ways of looking at this. One, in which Konerko is a hero and picks himself up out of the dirt, shakes it off, and cracks a long home run in his next at bat. That makes for a great story.
Of course, the other one is the truth. That one goes: The Twins run a fastball into the Bitch Sox' mouths and then they laugh while sweeping them in Chicago.
See? Both ways!
If Paul gets up and hits the game winner, I agree, put him on the front page. It's a great story. But when you start talking about "resiliency", perhaps a better way to say that is "they have no other choices at first base, so even if Paul can't see, he's better than the garbage on the bench". And also, in speaking of "resiliency", I think you could point to the Twins actually being better at that than the White Sox. Because they, you know, win. All the time. Even with their backups in (notice who is catching in those pictures. It ain't Joe). The Twins take the White Sox' best punch, and they punch even harder, knocking them right the piss out of the race. And then they hit you in the face with a baseball...
Depending on which calculations you read, the Twins currently have about a 90% chance of winning the Central this year. As articulated by Mr. Kelly below, their path is easier than the White Sox, and they have that cushion to begin with. I thought we'd take a look at a few graphs showing playoff odds.
Let's start with the White Sox: Hey rollercoaster! Surprisingly, for almost a month, they were over 50% to make the playoffs. But now, look at that fall. It kind of represents the White Sox as a whole, come to think of it: play real good for a month during the season and justify all their mouth-breathing fans, only to tank it when it counts. Saaaaaaaaaad horns.
Now let's take a look at the Twins: Wow, they bottomed out in June and July. But that was when Morneau hurt his head, and then all of a sudden they started winning. Now they are streaking towards 100%. Typical Twins season, play around in the middle of the year, and then CLOSE HARD.
And, just for comedy, the Tigers: That's what the machine looks like when they lose the patient.
First, look at the Nationals from 2007. I don't think you could come up with a better description for this, other than, WEEEOMP
Next we have the Rockies from the same season. What a run to get back into it (and eventually go to the Series). They were pretty much a flat-line, and then it was off to the races...
And, finally, the Mets from 2007. Oh heavenly father, what an epic collapse
Well, here we are, isn't that right? Breaking down the old American League central. I have to be honest here, I didn't think the White Sox had what it takes... especially in the not-running-it-down-the-leg department. But here we sit, and it's going down to the wire. I've been in a few of these in my day, and I've got to tell you that this Twins team is going to be ahead at the end of the season, that much I am sure of. The question is how they are going to get there. Let's get into it and break down how they should close this out, using dog-racing analogies, like only I know how.
DOG BETTING TIP #1 - Never take the dog on the rail if it's a slippery track
Sure kids, the White Sox look like they are pulling it all together for one big finish. They go out and get that son-of-a-bitch Ramirez and all of a sudden they are more powerful than the hometown boys. Well, let me tell you something here, they're on the rail and they're going to have to race like hell just to get into the lead. Know what happens when dogs on the rail push too hard?
You see the dog that just pushes forward after all that mayhem? That's the Twins.
DOG BETTING TIP #2 - Unlike horses, you want to bet on the dog that actually looks the skinniest and most malnourished
Why? Because he's chasing after food. You know when they pull the dogs into the little blue room to be shown in front of the closed-circuit prison camera? You want to bet on the one where you can see detailed outline of the ribs. A hungry dog will always close better. They can smell the meat at that distance. Me and Gil (that's a dog trainin' buddy of mine) used to go out and sprinkle a little gristle on the rabbit just to incite those dogs to finish hard. And boy, the hungry one would always sprint right at the end, just knowing they could get that sweet meat. The Twins are hungry this year, they know they were bred just for this type of stretch run, and Ron and the guys have kept them underfed all year. Now it's time to bust out and git that rabbit.
DOG BETTING TIP #3 - Bet on the dog that's been there before
The thing is, dogs with experience run more consistently. They know what it takes around each turn, and just how close they can get to the rabbit before they yank it away. An inexperienced dog will just bust after that thing full-bore for the first lap, and then his tongue is waggin' and he's heading in for some kibble. But the experienced dog knows that there is a t-bone waiting at the end if he just paces himself and takes each turn careful. The Twins are that dog: steady, deliberate, methodical. These are the dogs that you want to get to know their trainers. Because nothing beats going 4 for 4 on a Sunday at St. Croix.
Now let's just have a look at the schedule difference between the Twins and White Sox. I'll give you which teams they'll be playing for the rest of the year, and separating these teams into a few categories. Blogger, don't fail me now...
Twins
UTTERLY GARBAGE TEAMS: Kansas City, Cleveland (total of 12 games)
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD TEAMS THAT HAVE PROBLEMS WITH LIFE: Detroit, Oakland, Toronto, White Sox (total of 16 games)
ACTUAL GOOD TEAMS THAT HAVE A FUTURE INVOLVING THE PLAYOFFS: Texas (total of 3 games)
White Sox
UTTERLY GARBAGE TEAMS: Kansas City, Cleveland (total of 8 games)
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD TEAMS THAT HAVE PROBLEMS WITH LIFE: Detroit, LA Angels, Boston, Oakland (total of 20 games)
ACTUAL GOOD TEAMS THAT HAVE A FUTURE INVOLVING THE PLAYOFFS: Minnesota (total of 3 games)
Now here's some findings for you. First, the Whiteys can't beat garbage teams. Let's not forget that the only reason they are here right now is because they beat up on the NL garbage teams. But the AL? They are having problems. They are a combined 13-15 against the Royals and Indians, two teams they see for 8 more games. If history holds there, they will go 4-4. The Twins are doing, oh, how do you say, the funking when it comes to the garbage teams. They are 16-8 against the Royals and Indians, which would come out to at least 8-4 against those guys the rest of the way. I think I see a potential for gaining games here.
If you wash the rest of the "middle" teams (and just assume that each team will play about .500), then it comes down to REALLY needing to beat the "good" teams. If the Twins can even get a game from Texas, then the White Sox will absolutely need to sweep the Twins to even keep it close. You see, by my classification system up there, the Twins are the only really good team they play. Every other team, besides KC and Cleve, will be roughly the same for each team. For example, if the Sox beat Boston loud, and take 6 games from them, then the Twins will be just as likely to do that against Detroit. There is no probability difference between those teams. And since they can't make hay against the garbage (and the Twins most decidedly CAN), then they really need to beat MN in all 3 games.
Kids, I'll leave you with one thought:
What do you think the fucking odds are of the White Sox sweeping the Twins when the games matter?
What is that familiar feeling? Despair? Anguish? Seems every year around this time, you and a whole bunch of other Bitch Sox fans are replicating this stance.
Get those hands on the head, your team is bound for the gutter.
