Punto and DeVito, together again

You know you're on a serious, SERIOUS roll when Nick Punto hits a home run which ends up being the icing on the cake for a win.

You know you're making waves when a solid gold person like Danny DeVito is cheering you on.  He's also wearing your jersey.

But you know Nick Punto is still Nick Punto when the catalog title of Danny's he chooses is...Batman Returns????

No other titles came to mind?

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?

The Van?  (OK, if Punto said "The Van" I'd forgive him of all his sins)

TAXI?!

The Ratings Game?  (If Punto said "The Ratings Game" he'd be my favorite player forever)

Romancing the Stone?  Get Shorty?  Hell, he's been on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia longer than Taxi.

Punto, it appears, even surrounded by and delivering success, is still Punto.

No Hanley, No Win #1

It's a long season, we know this...and we know we can't win 'em all.  That said, last night's shut-out loss to the Giants showed the problem the Dodgers have in filling that gap.

A parade of minor-league talent will be taking that position.  Last night was Justin Sellers...and if there was a 1-man loss, here's a stat line for you:

2 AB
0 H
1 K
2 E

So after personally (and I mean that in the most literal sense) putting the Dodge down 3 runs, Donny Yankees chooses Nick Punto in the 8th.  Nick will "pinch hit."  He came to the plate, the crowd said nothing, and here's the sequence:

Ball
Strike looking
Foul into the dirt
Ball
Strike out looking

Did you expect anything different?  The Dodgers were blinded by Giant pitching last night, and it can happen against most anyone.  But when you're giving up runs due to lack of ability, you're screwed either way.  Sellers, I'd be saving those checks big time until Han Ram returns.  Maybe you could own a sports bar or something...maybe a car wash?

This...this is not good

So Hanley Ramirez is out for in the least the month of April for the Dodgers.  That is just a putter to the junk.  There's no other way to say it...because here are the options

1. Move Luis Cruz to SS, which Donny Yankees may do, but only shifts the problem to 3B (where Cruz usually plays)
2. Use the SS back-ups, which include the following gems:

Juan Uribe

• 2012 season .191 in 47 games
• Played only 4 of those at SS
• Lead team in donut consumption

Dee Gordon

• 2012 season .228
• When returning from injury was replaced with better player
• Currently injured "day to day"
• Will attempt to not swing at every first pitch in 2013 season
• Will attempt to not throw each time to the 5th row

Nick Punto

• No description needed.

Tommy will have to do more than the usual motivation...and even that might not be enough...

Doctor Nick To Grace Our Hearts For 2 More Years

Nick Goddamned Punto will get over 4 million per season for the next two years.

He is the worst Twins player since Chris Heintz.

Good job guys!

Twins Notes

Hey Bullpen:
Stop fucking up.


Hey Seattle:
Ouch.


Hey Joe Nathan:
You are quite a good baseball player.


Hey RA Dickey:
You might want to go back to the drawing board. Try throwing the ball so the catcher can at least, you know, catch it.


Hey Nick Punto:
Your career as a Twin cannot end soon enough.


Hey White Sox:
We ain't goin no fuckin place.

A Comprehensive List Of Problems On The Current Minnesota Twins Baseball Team

This has been a great year, far surpassing expectations and giving many of us hope for the future. It has also been a year in which we've had to endure looking at Brendan Harris' face. With that in mind, allow me to comment on the problems that this Twins team currently has:

1. Nick Punto is allowed to play baseball on a regular basis.

His life is one horrible failure after another. As Nani once put it, he's just not quite good enough in so many areas of athletic competition, it leads to a sinking feeling every time I see his face. I will give him points for being incredibly stupid though, because that means he fits right in with this team.

2. Jesse Crain can't do anything well.

We really could use a guy to come into the game in the 7th or 8th inning and leave without giving up 8 runs. That would be really quite nice. A guy that doesn't walk everyone he faces. A guy who doesn't telegraph every pitch. A guy who can throw a strike without it being right down the middle. Jesse Crain is not this guy.

3. Carlos Gomez plays the game like a small child, and that's not a good thing.

Eventually, he's going to have to figure out a way to hit a baseball.

4. Livan Hernandez is fat.

It's really going to suck when he peels off 4 starts in a row where he gives up 8 runs a piece. Because that's coming. But, of course, maybe Liriano will be allowed up when that happens, so that might be a good thing. Liriano stays in the vegetable aisle, while Livan goes straight for the boxed dinner section.

----------------------------------------------------

The bottom line is that occasionally, the collective stupidness of the team works against them, as it has been when they play against good teams. Smart pitchers can easily take them apart, because all you really have to do is know exactly what they are going to swing at, and throw something that looks like it. You see it happen to Gomez every time up. The upside of this is that with the team so dumb, I'm not sure they even remember that they played a game yesterday. That should help the swings on Friday.