You can't keep a big man away from the table

You know who's still playing?  Not only playing, but playing well?

Bartolo "Muy Caliente" Colon!

"I'm working more than last year; I'm still fat but that don't mean nothing," Colon said through an interpreter.

Now, there might be a report due out soon that says "Muy Caliente" might have used an illegal substance while playing.  That substance might have been Frank's Red Hot Sauce, Bud.  You ever heard of that?

When asked before last night's game about the possible news leak, knowing that "Muy Caliente" has already served a 50 game suspension for his transgressions, he said

"I don't like to hear news."

Unless that news is "All you can eat hot wing night."

Check out the baseball stats from Engelberg over here: 7-2, 3.12 ERA.  You haven't pitched that well since your days in Montreal, Bartolo, and we can only imagine your enjoyment of all Quebec's fine French cuisine.  Mas jamon in that crepe, I would guess.

Don't let em get you down, Bartolo.  Give all of your all.

Just when you think you can't hate the White Sox any more

They go and do something like this:



1. Hey, is that the look you give when you turn 'round and watch one scream over the fence?

2. The only people in the world who dye their facial hair are incredible douchers. Bobby Jenks included.

Happiness List

There's not been much to make me happy about watching baseball for most of the season. My list of all time "happy moments" breaks down like this:

1. Watching the Twins play Twins Baseball and beat a team like Kansas City or Detroit because they have stopped trying for the day. (note: this is usually accompanied by Dazzle saying something like "That's just a little league play right there")

2. Watching the White Sox run it right down their leg, for the whole world to see. (note: it's always in seasons or games when they have otherwise had success... for example, Mark Buerhrle throws a perfect game in the same year that they lose 20-1 to the Twins)

3. Watching Boston or New York fail, because no one can ever seem to come up with explanations for why, just WHY, they could possibly ever not win it all.

So, with that said, today's Number Two (in more ways than one, OHHHH!) by the White Sox was just about the most awesome moment of the season. Ozzie, take it away:

"Well, we came to New York and visited the new Yankee Stadium. It is a very nice ballpark, and the hotel we stayed at was also very nice," manager Ozzie Guillen said. "That's all I have to say about these last three days."

Every single failure of their organization and the way their lives are run is on full display for us all to see. And they make their way to the Metrodome, a building in which they don't even know how to flush the toilet properly, let alone hit a baseball. This will be VERY fun.

A Glazed Easter Ham For The South Side

A quick look at your starting pitchers tonight:




Holy shit this White Sox team might not win 70 games.