Did we make the playoffs?
Are we gonna go to White Castle after the game? PLEASE? Mom, you said!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Breaking down the garbage line-up
Is anyone else seeing this?
The Twins, having clinched ("clunch"?) last night, followed by massive drinking, followed by drunken reveling, rolled out the absolute worst line-up that they could conceive. Honestly, they could not put together a worse line-up with these pieces if they tried. But, of course, they are absolutely authorized in doing this, seeing as how so many of their starters are likely still blind drunk.
Let's go through this and see just how bad it really is...
1. Denard Span, CF - Well, he's a regular starter. So that's pretty good.
2. Alexei Casilla, SS - Alexei was a starter in 2009, and had the game winner in Game 163. Although he is a backup and a knucklehead, I would still take him - honestly - over every other 2nd Baseman in the central (yes, I realize that he is playing short today... but still). He is a quality utility man, and WAY better than starters on Detroit and Chicago. Think about it. Gordan Beckham? Possibly. But Omar Vizquel is old and Scott Sizemore has a problem catching the baseball. Give me Alexei, any day.
3. Trevor Plouffe, DH - Ok, well you're never going to choose to have Trevor MF'n Plouffe DH for you, ever. This one is a clear give-up just so they can give Jim time to soak those old bones.
4. Danny Valencia, 3B - He's the best third baseman in the Central, hands down, and he's only getting better.
5. Jose Morales, 1B - Ok, so he's not a natural first baseman. He's not really a natural catcher either. You know what he is? A natural hitter. I would take him over Laird for his bat, and Andruw Jones for his pinch-hitting ability. Sure, his defense would suck, but he at least gets hits. Look at the jokers KC run out there. They can't field, or hit, or go to the bathroom in the right spots.
6. Matt Tolbert, 2B - Still, a better player than half the garbage out there. He got a huge hit in Game 163 ("Hey Drew, do you live in the past much?") and he's incredibly nifty in the field. If this is the worst it gets, it's not that bad. Look at his opponent today, Valbuena. He's hitting under .200. So, I'll take Tolbert.
7. Ben Revere, LF - The rawest rookie you'll ever see (besides Go-Go) who stands something like 5'7". He can absolutely fly though, which makes him more valuable than Grady Sizemore, because he's hurt all the time
Ok, so I'm starting to stretch here. But is he better than Alex Rios at catching the baseball? Well, considering Rios likes to run away from the ball because he never got over his fear of it, yes, yes he is.
8. Jason Repko, RF - The man is a defensive replacement, that much we all know. But man, take a look at that defensive outfield... Revere, Span and Repko. That's some speed. Not much hit to the outfield is going to find grass. And again, sure he can't hit worth a piss, but neither can anyone that Cleveland or Detroit rolls out there. The difference between Repko and Raburn is that Repko never doo-dooed himself diving for a ball.
9. Drew Butera, C - He has a grease-o mustache. He has a great arm and calls a great game. He can't hit for shit. That puts him right at league average at his position. Would you rather have Victor Martinez?
As of the time of this posting, the Twins lead 5-1. Of course they do.
The Twins, having clinched ("clunch"?) last night, followed by massive drinking, followed by drunken reveling, rolled out the absolute worst line-up that they could conceive. Honestly, they could not put together a worse line-up with these pieces if they tried. But, of course, they are absolutely authorized in doing this, seeing as how so many of their starters are likely still blind drunk.
Let's go through this and see just how bad it really is...
1. Denard Span, CF - Well, he's a regular starter. So that's pretty good.
2. Alexei Casilla, SS - Alexei was a starter in 2009, and had the game winner in Game 163. Although he is a backup and a knucklehead, I would still take him - honestly - over every other 2nd Baseman in the central (yes, I realize that he is playing short today... but still). He is a quality utility man, and WAY better than starters on Detroit and Chicago. Think about it. Gordan Beckham? Possibly. But Omar Vizquel is old and Scott Sizemore has a problem catching the baseball. Give me Alexei, any day.
3. Trevor Plouffe, DH - Ok, well you're never going to choose to have Trevor MF'n Plouffe DH for you, ever. This one is a clear give-up just so they can give Jim time to soak those old bones.
4. Danny Valencia, 3B - He's the best third baseman in the Central, hands down, and he's only getting better.
5. Jose Morales, 1B - Ok, so he's not a natural first baseman. He's not really a natural catcher either. You know what he is? A natural hitter. I would take him over Laird for his bat, and Andruw Jones for his pinch-hitting ability. Sure, his defense would suck, but he at least gets hits. Look at the jokers KC run out there. They can't field, or hit, or go to the bathroom in the right spots.
6. Matt Tolbert, 2B - Still, a better player than half the garbage out there. He got a huge hit in Game 163 ("Hey Drew, do you live in the past much?") and he's incredibly nifty in the field. If this is the worst it gets, it's not that bad. Look at his opponent today, Valbuena. He's hitting under .200. So, I'll take Tolbert.
7. Ben Revere, LF - The rawest rookie you'll ever see (besides Go-Go) who stands something like 5'7". He can absolutely fly though, which makes him more valuable than Grady Sizemore, because he's hurt all the time
Ok, so I'm starting to stretch here. But is he better than Alex Rios at catching the baseball? Well, considering Rios likes to run away from the ball because he never got over his fear of it, yes, yes he is.
8. Jason Repko, RF - The man is a defensive replacement, that much we all know. But man, take a look at that defensive outfield... Revere, Span and Repko. That's some speed. Not much hit to the outfield is going to find grass. And again, sure he can't hit worth a piss, but neither can anyone that Cleveland or Detroit rolls out there. The difference between Repko and Raburn is that Repko never doo-dooed himself diving for a ball.
9. Drew Butera, C - He has a grease-o mustache. He has a great arm and calls a great game. He can't hit for shit. That puts him right at league average at his position. Would you rather have Victor Martinez?
As of the time of this posting, the Twins lead 5-1. Of course they do.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
There are these White Sox blogs...
... and they are very funny to read.
That one is from January of 2010, and discusses our very own Jimothy Thome. It's spectacular, so I'll quote it here:
I think the thing that is truly funny about White Sox blogs - and as an extension, their fans - is that they have a real knack for bitching about their team, yet they always come back with some "Well it's bad, but we can still beat the Twins" nonsense.
Here's how this works: losing Jim Thome to the Twins was one of the worst GM decisions, ever. Not only did you trade him at the deadline for garbage, but then when he wanted to come back, the GM wouldn't even talk to him. Just "Nope, go away". They didn't sign him because they didn't want him at any price. Ok, so that's half of the worst thing ever. But then he went to YOUR DIVISION RIVAL. And he absolutely slaughtered it here, giving us the first respectable DH since Ortiz, and he wasn't on the sauce yet, so he sucked when he was here. I can't imagine that could have gone any worse for the White Sox. And yet, here's that attitude. The idea of "Well, it's bad, but we can still go get them". No you can't. The White Sox occasionally thrive on the circus atmosphere that their buffoon coach and dumb-o GM encourage, but it's always a freak occurrence. Sometimes it all aligns and they win 13 in a row. But the norm, for this new regime, is one of utter failure. Sure, they're not as bad as Kansas City, but that's because they spend 3 times as much money. If they had a small payroll, they might not win 10 games a season.
So, just admit it. Just someone, some honest White Sox fan out there, please write an article that says "Holy Jesus God, we really ballsed up that Jim Thome thing". Say the truth. "We let Jim Thome go to our division rival and now they are even better and we are worse and we got nothing from that deal and now we get to play golf early". Other fanbases don't have a problem with this.
I think it all comes back to the mouth-breathing.
So, that's Thome, but then there's this:
Wow. Ok, here we go again. See, there are two ways of looking at this. One, in which Konerko is a hero and picks himself up out of the dirt, shakes it off, and cracks a long home run in his next at bat. That makes for a great story.
Of course, the other one is the truth. That one goes: The Twins run a fastball into the Bitch Sox' mouths and then they laugh while sweeping them in Chicago.
See? Both ways!
If Paul gets up and hits the game winner, I agree, put him on the front page. It's a great story. But when you start talking about "resiliency", perhaps a better way to say that is "they have no other choices at first base, so even if Paul can't see, he's better than the garbage on the bench". And also, in speaking of "resiliency", I think you could point to the Twins actually being better at that than the White Sox. Because they, you know, win. All the time. Even with their backups in (notice who is catching in those pictures. It ain't Joe). The Twins take the White Sox' best punch, and they punch even harder, knocking them right the piss out of the race. And then they hit you in the face with a baseball...
Awesome.
That one is from January of 2010, and discusses our very own Jimothy Thome. It's spectacular, so I'll quote it here:
E-nough Already About Thome
I know it's just fans being fans, but the White Sox faithful are overreacting to Ozzie Guillen's decision to move on without Jim Thome and the slugger's subsequent signing with the rival Twins.
I know he was productive for the Sox and I know he's a great guy, but there simply wasn't a fit in the new Sox universe. I was upset when Joe Crede went to Minnesota because it just didn't sit well with me, but Thome not so much. Like Crede, he very well could beat us in a game or two, but that's baseball.
As a Sox fan friend of mine said yesterday, we're not going to lose the division because of Thome's departure--it's all about the pitching. And if things work out the way we think they will, that will be our major strength in 2010.
I'll leave you with this. Remember that some of the same Sox fans were scratching their heads and voicing their outrage over trading Carlos Lee and a minor leaguer for Scott Podsednik and Luis Vizcaino prior to 2005. So, how did that work out?
I think the thing that is truly funny about White Sox blogs - and as an extension, their fans - is that they have a real knack for bitching about their team, yet they always come back with some "Well it's bad, but we can still beat the Twins" nonsense.
Here's how this works: losing Jim Thome to the Twins was one of the worst GM decisions, ever. Not only did you trade him at the deadline for garbage, but then when he wanted to come back, the GM wouldn't even talk to him. Just "Nope, go away". They didn't sign him because they didn't want him at any price. Ok, so that's half of the worst thing ever. But then he went to YOUR DIVISION RIVAL. And he absolutely slaughtered it here, giving us the first respectable DH since Ortiz, and he wasn't on the sauce yet, so he sucked when he was here. I can't imagine that could have gone any worse for the White Sox. And yet, here's that attitude. The idea of "Well, it's bad, but we can still go get them". No you can't. The White Sox occasionally thrive on the circus atmosphere that their buffoon coach and dumb-o GM encourage, but it's always a freak occurrence. Sometimes it all aligns and they win 13 in a row. But the norm, for this new regime, is one of utter failure. Sure, they're not as bad as Kansas City, but that's because they spend 3 times as much money. If they had a small payroll, they might not win 10 games a season.
So, just admit it. Just someone, some honest White Sox fan out there, please write an article that says "Holy Jesus God, we really ballsed up that Jim Thome thing". Say the truth. "We let Jim Thome go to our division rival and now they are even better and we are worse and we got nothing from that deal and now we get to play golf early". Other fanbases don't have a problem with this.
I think it all comes back to the mouth-breathing.
So, that's Thome, but then there's this:
And then there was last night. While the Sox fell to the Twins, 8-5, a incident involving Paul Konerko best illustrates what the 2010 Pale Hose have been all about.In the first inning, with two outs and Omar Vizquel at first base, a Carl Pavano pitch collided with Konerko's face. Being led off the field by Ozzie and trainer Herm Schneider, Paulie refused to come out of the game and jogged to first, fat lip and all. Then, in the third frame, Konerko got the appropriate revenge by smashing his 37th homer of the season.You can make the case that this scenario is the Sox season in a nutshell. It can be summed up this way: resiliency, resiliency, resiliency.
Wow. Ok, here we go again. See, there are two ways of looking at this. One, in which Konerko is a hero and picks himself up out of the dirt, shakes it off, and cracks a long home run in his next at bat. That makes for a great story.
Of course, the other one is the truth. That one goes: The Twins run a fastball into the Bitch Sox' mouths and then they laugh while sweeping them in Chicago.
See? Both ways!
If Paul gets up and hits the game winner, I agree, put him on the front page. It's a great story. But when you start talking about "resiliency", perhaps a better way to say that is "they have no other choices at first base, so even if Paul can't see, he's better than the garbage on the bench". And also, in speaking of "resiliency", I think you could point to the Twins actually being better at that than the White Sox. Because they, you know, win. All the time. Even with their backups in (notice who is catching in those pictures. It ain't Joe). The Twins take the White Sox' best punch, and they punch even harder, knocking them right the piss out of the race. And then they hit you in the face with a baseball...
Awesome.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Post Script
A few years ago I discussed the White Sox and their culture of anger in another blog.
As further evidence of that claim, I give you Jim Thome. As a Twin:
As further evidence of that claim, I give you Jim Thome. As a Twin:
Just look at how happy he is to be a Twin and, more importantly, not a BitchSox.
With inability comes failure and with failure comes anger. So is the life of the Chicago White Sox. Sorry Mouthbreathers, it's just not going to be your year. Again.
With inability comes failure and with failure comes anger. So is the life of the Chicago White Sox. Sorry Mouthbreathers, it's just not going to be your year. Again.
And then you wake up in the morning and you still suck
Well, that should about do it. As inevitable as a sunrise, the Bitch Sox collapse again when it matters, and we move on to a brighter future.
But we don't move on without a proper sendoff. Cue the chuckwagons.
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The White Sox are a failure organization. They just are. They fail at most things. I was watching the game last night and someone I was with even commented "Their color scheme is even boring. Just black and white. Stupid." Yes. It is stupid. No color, no signature theme. Just stupid black and stupid white. But it goes so much further than that. Let's break it down.
(I will be addressing the White Sox directly in the second person, so get ready to feel uncomfortable)
Your catcher is old and is a free agent. You should've dumped him at the break. Now he walks for nothing. But even if you re-sign him, you'll pay a lot of money and get an old catcher. Your backup catcher can't quite fit into his jockstrap yet. The baby Jesus, he is not. His name is also Flowers. So, for the position of catcher, FAIL.
Your first baseman is having a great season. That's fun. He's also old and slow. He drops the ball at first base. He can't score from second on a hit to the outfield unless it runs a gap. AND, he's a free agent. So in order to get your old, not-going-to-be-hitting-like-this-for-one-more-season first baseman, you'll have to pay him more than he's worth. In the minors, you have nothing. He's been the only good player on your team this year, and Morneau is better. So, with regard to the position of first baseman, FAIL.
Speaking of, how perfectly poignant was it to see him take a clop in the chops last night? What symbolism. The Twins just hit the Bitches right in the mouth, just run a fastball right up into your pearly whites, and you spit blood, run to first, and suck your thumb. Then when the Twins come to bat, you lightly brush Cuddyer and he comes around to score. A punch in the face for the Bitches, then a light slap for the Twins, resulting in a run. Funny.
Your infield is duct-taped together, and is at its peak right now. Gordon Beckham broke his wrist/hand and you thought it was a great idea to bring him back early. He now can't hold the bat. Alexei played out of his ass in 2008, and has now regressed to average at best. Both of them have fielding issues. Third base is an utter mess... not one single player you have put in there has been good in any way. Mark Teahan is a joke at the plate, and yet is somehow even worse at fielding the baseball. This guy Morel is a minor league mainstay. And your utility infielder is Omar Vizquel, who is old and walks gingerly.
So, infield: FAIL.
Oh let's get to those outfielders. Right field: you let Jermaine Dye go because he was old and getting fat and couldn't field at all. Ok, fine. But now you have Quentin. And he's fat, and looks like he is taking a shit when he stands in the box, which is funny, because then he actually HITS like he's dumping a load. But here's the thing: he can't field either. He's got to be just as bad as JD. So that's fun. Then you've got centerfield. You split time between Alex Rios (who also looks like he's taking a dumper-doo up at the plate) and Andruw Jones. Jones runs away from the ball when it is hit to him. He is fat and old, and confused in the field. Alex Rios makes like 18 million dollars a year to look confused. He hits average, fields average, and makes as much as Torii. Then Pierre, the man who never met a single he didn't like. He's alright in the field, certainly better than any other garbage out there, but he slaps nothing but singles. He steals bases wonderfully, however. He is the best outfielder you have, which is funny, because he's barely good enough to start in the NL West. So, outfield, FAIL.
You completely lucked into your starting pitching, and are doing your best to throw it all away. Danks and Floyd are average guys who sometimes pitch well against Kansas City. They always lose to the Twins, always. They are your 3rd and 4th starters at best. Buerhle threw a perfect game and sometimes shuts down the Twins. But he's old. He can't be considered an ace. And then you went and traded away a promising youngster for Edwin Fucking Jackson, WHO COULDN'T CUT IT IN DETROIT. To round it all out, you mortgaged the future to get ahold of Jake Peavy, who was REALLY good pitching against Arizona and San Francisco, two teams who think the game ends when they score 2 runs. He tore a tit muscle and will be injured forever. Fortunately, you banked your entire future on this flame-out. The reason I say that you "lucked into" these guys is because Kenny Williams can't stop himself from making deals even when he's got solid players. He won't hesitate to just dump the best players on the team for garbage. And he's already done this... see Richard, Clayton and Hudson, Daniel. But somehow he kept Floyd and Danks, even though you just know he wants to dump them for Pedro as soon as he signs with Philly. And also, as soon as Danks and Floyd become free agents, they're going to be very expensive, because you started them so early. So, starting pitching, FAIL.
And then the bullpen. Oh god, the bullpen.
Bobby Jenks is really fat and dyes his facial hair. He also has a bad back, because he's fat. He's like David Wells, and is going down just like him. Matt Thornton was pretty good this year... until Jim Thome hit one to Robbinsdale and all of a sudden he had a shoulder problem. He's been absolute garbage before this year, and he will be again soon. That kid Sale throws all hurdy-gurdy, but the Twins seem to have figured him out, and it's not going to take long for the word to get out. JJ Putz looked good in Seattle, but you'd look good too in 19 games against both Oakland and Texas (when they sucked). Now he walks guys with the bases loaded because he can't figure out the rules of the game. Sergio Santos was heralded as the next big prick, but then in his last 7 games he has an ERA of 13.5. NOT GOING TO CUT IT, YOUNG MAN. Overall, their full failure this season is a direct result of a failed bullpen... not one guy stepped up and became unhittable, not one guy was competent at throwing the baseball. It all adds up to FAIL.
But you can't ignore the big one. Oh, make no mistake, this season was a strike-out in a lot of areas, but absolutely nothing personified it better than Manny Fucking Ramirez, and the Grand DH Experiment.
Let me get this right, Bitches: You let Jim Thome - the same Jim Thome who is capable of hitting baseballs to other states - walk away for nothing. In fact, you didn't "let" him do anything... you "forced" him out. He was told he was no longer needed, at all, not even at a discount. So he signed with the Twins... FOR HALF OF NICK PUNTO'S SALARY. Jim leads the Twins in both home runs and "Dicks Kicked". So, that was a great move. But, pray tell, who did you fill Jim's role with? MARK MOTHERFUCK KOTSAY?!?!?!? Holy bosephus, this does not compute. This wouldn't happen to be the 34 year old journeyman who never hit more than 17 home runs in a single season, would it? The guy who hasn't had over 50 RBI since 2006? Not him. Couldn't be him. Oh but it is. So now you've got Kotsay at DH, and of course he's failing, hard. So then you go out and be Kenny Williams, again, and get Manny Ramirez. You do a straight waiver claim, don't get the Dodgers to pay any of his salary, so now you owe him 4 million dollars for a month of baseball. He responds by:
1) Using Joey Cora as an interpreter in an interview, even though he speaks better english than Joey and perfectly understands every question posed to him.
2) Hitting only singles.
3) Not caring one single tiny bit if the White Sox win or lose.
And that's just it. Last year it was Griffey, which was funny because they played him in centerfield even though he sometimes falls down when he is jogging. And this year it is an aging Man-Ram, the man who thinks the current score of the baseball game is 4 to Q. You literally would've been better piling 4 million dollars on the pitchers mound in one dollar bills and lighting them aflame for all to see.
And so, ultimately, it's not about the positions. It's about the organization. You just can't get it right, can you? In the past 3 seasons, the Bitches are 1-11 against the Twins in September. This year, they went 5-13.
Your failure is complete. You go home now, like you always do. You go away, and you don't get to speak anymore. You lost.
Bring on the Hands-On-Head Bitch Sox fan, one last time...
But we don't move on without a proper sendoff. Cue the chuckwagons.
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The White Sox are a failure organization. They just are. They fail at most things. I was watching the game last night and someone I was with even commented "Their color scheme is even boring. Just black and white. Stupid." Yes. It is stupid. No color, no signature theme. Just stupid black and stupid white. But it goes so much further than that. Let's break it down.
(I will be addressing the White Sox directly in the second person, so get ready to feel uncomfortable)
Your catcher is old and is a free agent. You should've dumped him at the break. Now he walks for nothing. But even if you re-sign him, you'll pay a lot of money and get an old catcher. Your backup catcher can't quite fit into his jockstrap yet. The baby Jesus, he is not. His name is also Flowers. So, for the position of catcher, FAIL.
Your first baseman is having a great season. That's fun. He's also old and slow. He drops the ball at first base. He can't score from second on a hit to the outfield unless it runs a gap. AND, he's a free agent. So in order to get your old, not-going-to-be-hitting-like-this-for-one-more-season first baseman, you'll have to pay him more than he's worth. In the minors, you have nothing. He's been the only good player on your team this year, and Morneau is better. So, with regard to the position of first baseman, FAIL.
Speaking of, how perfectly poignant was it to see him take a clop in the chops last night? What symbolism. The Twins just hit the Bitches right in the mouth, just run a fastball right up into your pearly whites, and you spit blood, run to first, and suck your thumb. Then when the Twins come to bat, you lightly brush Cuddyer and he comes around to score. A punch in the face for the Bitches, then a light slap for the Twins, resulting in a run. Funny.
Your infield is duct-taped together, and is at its peak right now. Gordon Beckham broke his wrist/hand and you thought it was a great idea to bring him back early. He now can't hold the bat. Alexei played out of his ass in 2008, and has now regressed to average at best. Both of them have fielding issues. Third base is an utter mess... not one single player you have put in there has been good in any way. Mark Teahan is a joke at the plate, and yet is somehow even worse at fielding the baseball. This guy Morel is a minor league mainstay. And your utility infielder is Omar Vizquel, who is old and walks gingerly.
So, infield: FAIL.
Oh let's get to those outfielders. Right field: you let Jermaine Dye go because he was old and getting fat and couldn't field at all. Ok, fine. But now you have Quentin. And he's fat, and looks like he is taking a shit when he stands in the box, which is funny, because then he actually HITS like he's dumping a load. But here's the thing: he can't field either. He's got to be just as bad as JD. So that's fun. Then you've got centerfield. You split time between Alex Rios (who also looks like he's taking a dumper-doo up at the plate) and Andruw Jones. Jones runs away from the ball when it is hit to him. He is fat and old, and confused in the field. Alex Rios makes like 18 million dollars a year to look confused. He hits average, fields average, and makes as much as Torii. Then Pierre, the man who never met a single he didn't like. He's alright in the field, certainly better than any other garbage out there, but he slaps nothing but singles. He steals bases wonderfully, however. He is the best outfielder you have, which is funny, because he's barely good enough to start in the NL West. So, outfield, FAIL.
You completely lucked into your starting pitching, and are doing your best to throw it all away. Danks and Floyd are average guys who sometimes pitch well against Kansas City. They always lose to the Twins, always. They are your 3rd and 4th starters at best. Buerhle threw a perfect game and sometimes shuts down the Twins. But he's old. He can't be considered an ace. And then you went and traded away a promising youngster for Edwin Fucking Jackson, WHO COULDN'T CUT IT IN DETROIT. To round it all out, you mortgaged the future to get ahold of Jake Peavy, who was REALLY good pitching against Arizona and San Francisco, two teams who think the game ends when they score 2 runs. He tore a tit muscle and will be injured forever. Fortunately, you banked your entire future on this flame-out. The reason I say that you "lucked into" these guys is because Kenny Williams can't stop himself from making deals even when he's got solid players. He won't hesitate to just dump the best players on the team for garbage. And he's already done this... see Richard, Clayton and Hudson, Daniel. But somehow he kept Floyd and Danks, even though you just know he wants to dump them for Pedro as soon as he signs with Philly. And also, as soon as Danks and Floyd become free agents, they're going to be very expensive, because you started them so early. So, starting pitching, FAIL.
And then the bullpen. Oh god, the bullpen.
Bobby Jenks is really fat and dyes his facial hair. He also has a bad back, because he's fat. He's like David Wells, and is going down just like him. Matt Thornton was pretty good this year... until Jim Thome hit one to Robbinsdale and all of a sudden he had a shoulder problem. He's been absolute garbage before this year, and he will be again soon. That kid Sale throws all hurdy-gurdy, but the Twins seem to have figured him out, and it's not going to take long for the word to get out. JJ Putz looked good in Seattle, but you'd look good too in 19 games against both Oakland and Texas (when they sucked). Now he walks guys with the bases loaded because he can't figure out the rules of the game. Sergio Santos was heralded as the next big prick, but then in his last 7 games he has an ERA of 13.5. NOT GOING TO CUT IT, YOUNG MAN. Overall, their full failure this season is a direct result of a failed bullpen... not one guy stepped up and became unhittable, not one guy was competent at throwing the baseball. It all adds up to FAIL.
But you can't ignore the big one. Oh, make no mistake, this season was a strike-out in a lot of areas, but absolutely nothing personified it better than Manny Fucking Ramirez, and the Grand DH Experiment.
Let me get this right, Bitches: You let Jim Thome - the same Jim Thome who is capable of hitting baseballs to other states - walk away for nothing. In fact, you didn't "let" him do anything... you "forced" him out. He was told he was no longer needed, at all, not even at a discount. So he signed with the Twins... FOR HALF OF NICK PUNTO'S SALARY. Jim leads the Twins in both home runs and "Dicks Kicked". So, that was a great move. But, pray tell, who did you fill Jim's role with? MARK MOTHERFUCK KOTSAY?!?!?!? Holy bosephus, this does not compute. This wouldn't happen to be the 34 year old journeyman who never hit more than 17 home runs in a single season, would it? The guy who hasn't had over 50 RBI since 2006? Not him. Couldn't be him. Oh but it is. So now you've got Kotsay at DH, and of course he's failing, hard. So then you go out and be Kenny Williams, again, and get Manny Ramirez. You do a straight waiver claim, don't get the Dodgers to pay any of his salary, so now you owe him 4 million dollars for a month of baseball. He responds by:
1) Using Joey Cora as an interpreter in an interview, even though he speaks better english than Joey and perfectly understands every question posed to him.
2) Hitting only singles.
3) Not caring one single tiny bit if the White Sox win or lose.
And that's just it. Last year it was Griffey, which was funny because they played him in centerfield even though he sometimes falls down when he is jogging. And this year it is an aging Man-Ram, the man who thinks the current score of the baseball game is 4 to Q. You literally would've been better piling 4 million dollars on the pitchers mound in one dollar bills and lighting them aflame for all to see.
And so, ultimately, it's not about the positions. It's about the organization. You just can't get it right, can you? In the past 3 seasons, the Bitches are 1-11 against the Twins in September. This year, they went 5-13.
Your failure is complete. You go home now, like you always do. You go away, and you don't get to speak anymore. You lost.
Bring on the Hands-On-Head Bitch Sox fan, one last time...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Alex Rios in centerfield, like Andruw Jones, dislikes catching baseballs hit towards him
One more out gets us out of the inning, guys! Oh no, a fly ball hit right to me...
Loooooooooooooong tuba note.
Hey Sox fan, what do you think?
Loooooooooooooong tuba note.
Hey Sox fan, what do you think?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I don't care for Matt Guerrier
Matt Guerrier is garbage, and I never trusted him, and I never will. He's one of those fucking jokers that just cannot be trusted.
Matt Guerrier sucks.
Matt Guerrier sucks.
Time to check the dip-stick
Perhaps tonight we'll measure for depth, width, and volume?
Thome wins at all 3.
Thome wins at all 3.
HA HA HA HA HA
Just go ahead and click to get the full size picture.
She ain't just a river in Egypt...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
4 1/2 Things To Know About The Sux
The Startribune ran a story with a similar name to this post, here. It pointed out, more or less, what we here on this blog have been saying for the last month. That is that the White Sox have little to no chance of catching the Twins. And while the article didn't really teach us anything new, it did make me want to do my own list of things to know the Southside Ass-clowns.
1. They're mouth breathers.
2. They're bad at life. Really bad.
3. Manny Ramirez isn't going to help ANYONE win ANYTHING. Not even a cockfight.
4. Ozzie Guillen isn't good at opening his mouth without saying something stupid.
4.5 They use their mouths to breath.
1. They're mouth breathers.
2. They're bad at life. Really bad.
3. Manny Ramirez isn't going to help ANYONE win ANYTHING. Not even a cockfight.
4. Ozzie Guillen isn't good at opening his mouth without saying something stupid.
4.5 They use their mouths to breath.
 |
| Remember when... (sad horns) |
Nearing "100% Probability"
What do you see out of the corner of your eye? Is that... FAILURE creeping up?
Nick Punto could also benefit from this idea
Delmon Young, on Jim Thome:
He's been hitting downtown too much lately. It's fun to watch. It's a tough act to follow because he's hitting balls 500 feet. To hit it farther is impossible, unless you're swinging from second base.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Let's do some graphs
Depending on which calculations you read, the Twins currently have about a 90% chance of winning the Central this year. As articulated by Mr. Kelly below, their path is easier than the White Sox, and they have that cushion to begin with. I thought we'd take a look at a few graphs showing playoff odds.
Let's start with the White Sox:
Hey rollercoaster! Surprisingly, for almost a month, they were over 50% to make the playoffs. But now, look at that fall. It kind of represents the White Sox as a whole, come to think of it: play real good for a month during the season and justify all their mouth-breathing fans, only to tank it when it counts. Saaaaaaaaaad horns.
Now let's take a look at the Twins:
Wow, they bottomed out in June and July. But that was when Morneau hurt his head, and then all of a sudden they started winning. Now they are streaking towards 100%. Typical Twins season, play around in the middle of the year, and then CLOSE HARD.
And, just for comedy, the Tigers:
That's what the machine looks like when they lose the patient.
-------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: I'm taking this up a notch.
First, look at the Nationals from 2007. I don't think you could come up with a better description for this, other than, WEEEOMP
Next we have the Rockies from the same season. What a run to get back into it (and eventually go to the Series). They were pretty much a flat-line, and then it was off to the races...
And, finally, the Mets from 2007. Oh heavenly father, what an epic collapse
Let's start with the White Sox:
Hey rollercoaster! Surprisingly, for almost a month, they were over 50% to make the playoffs. But now, look at that fall. It kind of represents the White Sox as a whole, come to think of it: play real good for a month during the season and justify all their mouth-breathing fans, only to tank it when it counts. Saaaaaaaaaad horns.
Now let's take a look at the Twins:
Wow, they bottomed out in June and July. But that was when Morneau hurt his head, and then all of a sudden they started winning. Now they are streaking towards 100%. Typical Twins season, play around in the middle of the year, and then CLOSE HARD.
And, just for comedy, the Tigers:
That's what the machine looks like when they lose the patient.
-------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: I'm taking this up a notch.
First, look at the Nationals from 2007. I don't think you could come up with a better description for this, other than, WEEEOMP
Next we have the Rockies from the same season. What a run to get back into it (and eventually go to the Series). They were pretty much a flat-line, and then it was off to the races...
And, finally, the Mets from 2007. Oh heavenly father, what an epic collapse
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