Just when you think you can't hate the White Sox any more

They go and do something like this:



1. Hey, is that the look you give when you turn 'round and watch one scream over the fence?

2. The only people in the world who dye their facial hair are incredible douchers. Bobby Jenks included.

Happiness List

There's not been much to make me happy about watching baseball for most of the season. My list of all time "happy moments" breaks down like this:

1. Watching the Twins play Twins Baseball and beat a team like Kansas City or Detroit because they have stopped trying for the day. (note: this is usually accompanied by Dazzle saying something like "That's just a little league play right there")

2. Watching the White Sox run it right down their leg, for the whole world to see. (note: it's always in seasons or games when they have otherwise had success... for example, Mark Buerhrle throws a perfect game in the same year that they lose 20-1 to the Twins)

3. Watching Boston or New York fail, because no one can ever seem to come up with explanations for why, just WHY, they could possibly ever not win it all.

So, with that said, today's Number Two (in more ways than one, OHHHH!) by the White Sox was just about the most awesome moment of the season. Ozzie, take it away:

"Well, we came to New York and visited the new Yankee Stadium. It is a very nice ballpark, and the hotel we stayed at was also very nice," manager Ozzie Guillen said. "That's all I have to say about these last three days."

Every single failure of their organization and the way their lives are run is on full display for us all to see. And they make their way to the Metrodome, a building in which they don't even know how to flush the toilet properly, let alone hit a baseball. This will be VERY fun.

I can't make this up

This man has a first name of Kyler. Not Kyle. Kyler. Like Tyler. But not. Kyler just got called up to the Bigs. Well done, sir. As someone who is just beginning his MLB career . . . what would be a good last name for him?

Because that's it.

You'll notice that due to his lack of a defined chin (due to obesity) he's simply taken a sharpie and penciled himself some face-hair. Just to make sure you know where his head ends and his neck begins.

Twins on a decent streak right now

Ok Dickfer, so who do we have pitching tomorrow?



Uh. Oh.

That appears to be an "unheralded minor leaguer".

DID SOMEONE SAY OVER?

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EDIT: AND SPEAKING OF OVERS

And just who is pitching for the White Sox, tomorrow, against Boston, in Boston, with the Green Monster and short porch?



He's back. He pitches for the White Sox, and he's starting tomorrow. The lead headline on Sportsline reads "Garcia unimpressive in first start". OH NO SHIT?

I did not realize the utter awfulness that is White Sox pitching. I've been sitting here all year thinking that I couldn't imagine a more inconsistent, frustrating staff, from 1 to 12, than the Minnesota Twins. But the White Sox start BOTH Contreras and Freddy Fuck Garcia. Earlier in the year, they let Bartolo Colon pitch for them. Take a minute out of your day, for the rest of the season, and re-read those previous two sentences. If it doesn't make you smile every day, I'll swallow nails.

All of that being said, if the Twins can't overtake at least the White Sox, then all is truly lost, and we should just load up the '87 DVDs and bask in the glory that is Bruno's mustache.

Hello

You don't even know what you're saying right now

The Blue Crew has mirrored the Twins of late - a slide worthy of opening the "safety" parachute simultaneously. Los Angeles has plenty of sports talk shows but as I've said there's only one worth your listening time: Dodger Talk.

But even the usual can become unusual. Listen to how, even after a win, they can't help but resort to the competition's level.

A parody of sports talk radio that was actually on the air.

Gold

So hey . . .

Go Vikings!

I'll check back for the call-ups on OUR Twins. That should be interesting.

New Dude in the Bullpen

He was warming up. I saw him. Last name Manship.

Man.

Ship.

Welcome Mr. Manship. Go get'em.

I'm sorry, the score is?

Come again?

The Royals? In the dome?

And they've got how many?

Oy.

Hey, we got . . .

Screw it. I gave up after 5 minutes on baseball reference. Matt Grrr really does lead the league in holds, doesn't he?

Section 220 guy touched on the Twins remaining schedule. The back of my yellow tablet counts:

12 games vs. Cleveland 8-4
12 games vs. KC 8-4
10 games vs. Detroit 5-5
7 games vs. Texas 3-4
6 games vs. Chi Sox 3-3
4 games vs. Toronto 2-2
3 games vs. Baltimore 2-1
3 games vs. Oakland 2-1

I have to use the back of the tablet since all the pages were used and had writing on them like:

Gophers vs. NDSU -> key game Central Michigan.

Still bitter at Vegas.

Anyway, I have us about 85-77 to end the season. I don't see anything overly optimistic with those wins and losses. 85 wins might win the AL Central this year.

That is the problem.

Like the Vikings winning the NFC North last year, the Twins could/should win a very weak division this year. That gives everyone that matters a false sense of security.

We can't be that bad, we won the division.

You are.

You got owned by the Angels, Yankees, and Red Sox. The season will last 3 or 4 more games longer than the Nationals . . . at most.

FUBB round up

7/31 - Friday's game = Definition of FUBB

8/1 - Saturday's game = Whatever, let's go non-FUBB.

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Bill Smith has forced me to look at various teams and bullpens in an upcoming post titled,

"Hey, we got Cabrera, but . . ."