Back in Charge

(Last night, Tommy Lasorda came out of retirement to manage the Dodgers on his birthday.  We asked him for a recap while he enjoyed glass #3 of "victory wine")

How do you like that?  This was one of the best birthday gifts I've ever received.  There I was, back in the dugout, leading the Dodgers to victory over the Giants.  That picture up there is after Matt Kemp continued to remind those windbag writers who the MVP is - it's number 27!

Look at those stats: Matt goes 4-5, a 2 run homer and 3 doubles!  For the year, he's top 3 or number 1 in the NL for average, home runs, and RBI's.  What, you want to pick somebody from the Phillies?  Fuck 'em!

(Lasorda is poured another glass of wine)

Same goes for Kershaw for the Cy Young in the national league - first place in wins and ERA.  Now, those writers might say "Ah..."(belch)...whoop...they'd say "Ah...we can't give both those awards to a losing team, or they don't make the playoffs."  Bullshit!  They're the best - hell, I just managed us OVER .500!  That was my - what is it, Dave?  My 1,600th win.  You what?  I'll tell you how we did it.

I'm a gentleman, you know, so I don't tell Donny Yankees how to get these guys ready for a game, but we did it my way tonight.  I wanted them to have their strength...had a baked macaroni and cheese here and chicken parmesan.  And look at this post-game spread!  Dave, lemme take one of those garlic breads home.  Yeah, so Donny - better get a picture of this.  What - he left?  Typical.  All right, you wanna hear a story?

Back in '82, we were battlin' the Atlanta Braves down to the wire for the division.  Ask Bowie Kuhn what the hell they were doing in the West, but...so we snap a big losing streak, and beat Atlanta to cut it to 1 game.  Bert Hooten gets the win and we won big.  I'm trying to rally everybody, and keep our spirits up.  We needed it.  Then Scioscia comes up to me and says Rafael Ramirez was yammerin' about something when we were celebrating on the field.  So what?  He got picked off twice, but I don't care if that's why he was sore.  I could tell it bugged Mike, so much so I stopped eating my post-game meal, and went over to the Braves locker room.

(Lasorda is given a cup of gelato)


They're going about their business and I can tell I caught them off guard.  Before Torre can say anything, I get in Ramirez's face and say "Knock off this bullshit with Scioscia."  He stands up and says "I ain't got no bullshit with him - they were bad calls."  Can you believe that guy?  So I get in his face and say "You got San Diego tomorrow - just for that, I bet you won't even get on base!"  He went 1 for 8 against the Padres.  Ah...we coulda done it in '82.

All right, you better clear out the bathroom...

A hard act to follow

The Dodge are playing spirited of late, defeating teams they should.  This would all mean something, of course, if they 1. weren't so bad most of the year and 2. Arizona would just quit this "win all the time" bullshit.  It's likely a lost cause, but it's refreshing to see them try.  Just by calling yourself a professional, and describing yourself as such to others, you sweep San Diego.  That's what happens when effort is put forth.  (As a wise man once said, "Life sucks, then you manage the Padres.")

Ignoring the near-loss at Pittsburgh today, there was a stat in one SD game that should be on the Failure Blog...but they're the Padres.  It was Tuesday night's starting pitcher, Tim Stauffer.  How was your night, guy?

IP: 1.2
H: 1
R: 7
ER: 7
W: 7  (SEVEN WALKS?!)
K: 2

As the 2nd inning lumbered on, Vin was polite to say "Tim can't throw a strike if he wanted to.  And he does...oh boy."  Tim was pulled at 4-0, and bases loaded.  "Anthony Bass" came in for "relief" a served a meat-a-ball to Andre Either.  WEOMP.  8-0 and that'll do.

--------------------------------------

It wouldn't be a Dodger update without some news about Slimey McSlime...who today received a $1.2 Billion offer for the team.  It is a bid that is ALL CASH, and grossly over the value of the team.  Bid did I say cash, the one thing McSlime needs?  This bid comes from the founder of the LA Marathon, and a company from "The Peoples Republic of China."  Sure. 

Whoever ends up owning this team would be wise to do so in full.  Knowing how he works, if he's left a portion of team, it will only be collateral in yet another sleazeball deal: 

"No problem!  I can open up a surfboard shop in Burlington, Vermont.  I just need this loan to follow through.  Come on, I own the Dodgers parking lot!  You know I'm good for it!"

Fucking sleaze.