Breaking down the garbage line-up

Is anyone else seeing this?

The Twins, having clinched ("clunch"?) last night, followed by massive drinking, followed by drunken reveling, rolled out the absolute worst line-up that they could conceive. Honestly, they could not put together a worse line-up with these pieces if they tried. But, of course, they are absolutely authorized in doing this, seeing as how so many of their starters are likely still blind drunk.

Let's go through this and see just how bad it really is...

1. Denard Span, CF - Well, he's a regular starter. So that's pretty good.

2. Alexei Casilla, SS - Alexei was a starter in 2009, and had the game winner in Game 163. Although he is a backup and a knucklehead, I would still take him - honestly - over every other 2nd Baseman in the central (yes, I realize that he is playing short today... but still). He is a quality utility man, and WAY better than starters on Detroit and Chicago. Think about it. Gordan Beckham? Possibly. But Omar Vizquel is old and Scott Sizemore has a problem catching the baseball. Give me Alexei, any day.

3. Trevor Plouffe, DH - Ok, well you're never going to choose to have Trevor MF'n Plouffe DH for you, ever. This one is a clear give-up just so they can give Jim time to soak those old bones.

4. Danny Valencia, 3B - He's the best third baseman in the Central, hands down, and he's only getting better.

5. Jose Morales, 1B - Ok, so he's not a natural first baseman. He's not really a natural catcher either. You know what he is? A natural hitter. I would take him over Laird for his bat, and Andruw Jones for his pinch-hitting ability. Sure, his defense would suck, but he at least gets hits. Look at the jokers KC run out there. They can't field, or hit, or go to the bathroom in the right spots.

6. Matt Tolbert, 2B - Still, a better player than half the garbage out there. He got a huge hit in Game 163 ("Hey Drew, do you live in the past much?") and he's incredibly nifty in the field. If this is the worst it gets, it's not that bad. Look at his opponent today, Valbuena. He's hitting under .200. So, I'll take Tolbert.

7. Ben Revere, LF - The rawest rookie you'll ever see (besides Go-Go) who stands something like 5'7". He can absolutely fly though, which makes him more valuable than Grady Sizemore, because he's hurt all the time

Ok, so I'm starting to stretch here. But is he better than Alex Rios at catching the baseball? Well, considering Rios likes to run away from the ball because he never got over his fear of it, yes, yes he is.

8. Jason Repko, RF - The man is a defensive replacement, that much we all know. But man, take a look at that defensive outfield... Revere, Span and Repko. That's some speed. Not much hit to the outfield is going to find grass. And again, sure he can't hit worth a piss, but neither can anyone that Cleveland or Detroit rolls out there. The difference between Repko and Raburn is that Repko never doo-dooed himself diving for a ball.

9. Drew Butera, C - He has a grease-o mustache. He has a great arm and calls a great game. He can't hit for shit. That puts him right at league average at his position. Would you rather have Victor Martinez?

As of the time of this posting, the Twins lead 5-1. Of course they do.