Fired Up, Ready To Go

What you see here is Orlando Cabrera, knocking Ron Gardenhire clear on his ass after the 7th inning dong.

Then, later in the game, OC just flat out turns around after a questionable strike and talks shit right to Randy Marsh.

The fucking sack on this guy. Good stuff.

I Love Baseball and the United States of America

(We now turn to baseball legend Tommy Lasorda for his 2009 Playoff preview!)

How sweet it is! The fruits of victory! After a down spell that I'd like to chalk up to boredom, the Dodgers won the National League West for the second year in a row. That's right! The last time that happened, I was the manager. It's been a while, but it feels good!

Before I get to my thoughts on the Cardinals, I'd like to congratulate the Giants on a fine year. What? They didn't make the playoffs? Typical. The Cards can give us some hits...a bunch of young guys that can hit well. Pooholes, Schumaker, Holliday. Kind of like us. And, like us, they've got a couple good starters, but whoever they're going to start third...I'm not scared. When it comes to an even match-up, I'll take the Dodgers. They win close games. They come from behind and take the win from the other team. We play 'em even on the road, and we've got it.

Ah, thank you, honey. That's my beautiful wife, handing me another glass of my sensational wine. Remember what the sommelier said: "If rubies had flavor, this is what it would taste like."

Now, I know this is a "blog" about the Minnesota Twins, so let me congratulate them as well. The way they showed grit and guts over this past month to get into the playoffs is tremendous! And to that point, I want to speak to the fucking writers of this site. After my last post, I was reading one from some guy named Drew Barreiro, and he's saying the Twins don't "deserve" to make the playoffs. What is this horseshit? Let me tell you boys something: You deserve what you get. And I don't give a fuck what you get...if you get it, you deserve it, one way or another.

You know who deserved to win the World Series in 1983? The fucking Dodgers, that's who. But, the Wheeze Kids were the better team in the NLCS...I guess. The better team wins the fucking games, because even those who are favored have to live with the fact that they blew it. When you blow games the way Detroit did, you are no longer the better team. You don't deserve to win and go on to the playoffs.

I just ask for one favor. One thing...that's all I can ask of the Twins. Beat those fucking Yankees! Maybe tear up the locker room or something, I don't know. You do what you got to do. Those of you in Los Angeles, see you tomorrow night for game 1!

What the fuck ever

I don't believe this at all. This didn't happen.

I'm going to wake up any minute.

Well done, guys.

I tried to keep the faith towards the entire season, but fell off (on? the bad one) wagon sometime a couple posts ago. A banner is a banner. Good job. Somehow you guys pulled it out and that is impressive. That's all I got.

Randy Marsh is a shithead

Randy Marsh sucks at life.

This just makes me hate the Vikings more

Ok, this is just... there's no goddamned explanation to any of this.

To Dickfer below, I was not surprised to see the Twins nearly lose that 10 run lead and have to pitch Nathan. Remember the Oakland game? That's where the shit just absolutely broke for me... I haven't been the same since. They didn't even get that game to extras. Nathan didn't even sniff it. It was nothing but Grrrr and Crain and FAIL ALL OVER THE PLACE. And today's game? When Big Boy Rauch had to strikeout Royal Fats? Whatever. I have no CNS.

I will tell you this though: nearly throughout this entire season, I have proclaimed that the Twins do not deserve to win this division. The way they played against the garbage of the AL was not befitting a playoff team. Seriously, they would wet themselves against guys like Sowers and I think we even lost a game against Ponson this year too. Didn't Paul Byrd win against us too? Point being, when a team just can't score runs against horrible starters, then I don't like them, and I don't want to see them rewarded for their inconsistency.

But that's all changed now. I'm ready to rescind that. Because for the last 20 games, it's been nuts on the table for all to see. It's been "Hey, I know we haven't been playing the greatest this season, but see, I've got this 14 inch Hickory Farms 'neath my belt, andddddddddddd..." Guys like Span and Cuddyer don't give a fuck about A) you B) jail C) your sister. Actually, they do care about C, because it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none.

You see what is happening around here? There is no logical explanation to any of this... besides Joe leading the league in hitting, all of it is an aberration. Seriously, does anyone see Cuddy as a 45 homer guy? Well, if he played at this pace, he would be. How is that possible? He likes to foul out more than Denny Hocking. All of a sudden he's fucking Jackson.

Whatever. Let's just go into the Metrodome on Wednesday afternoon with our pants down. Because someone needs a kiss, and it ain't Mr. Lips.

I will say this in the way of honest analysis... the Detroit Tigers are absolutely fucking garbage, and as much as the Twins didn't deserve to win the title for the first 5.5 months of the season, it's TEN FOLD that amount how much Detroit deserves to lose it now. Because all they had to do was beat the fuck White Sox who DON'T ENJOY PLAYING BASEBALL ANYMORE. And if you can't do that, then you don't deserve a goddamned thing. Their problems are many, but I think the main one is that they can't score any runs unless they are gifted, and they have more fat players than non-fat. There, solved.

So, let's go. Or something. I really couldn't give a shit at this point. It is what it is, and we hold no dominion over any of it.

Oh god are the balls blue

Listen folks, it is about 2 AM in the land of the Great White (as the kids are calling it these days), and I have some things I need to get off my chest.

Just stop it. OK? Stop it. Who is this "Delmon Young" player? What if "Delmon" gets hot?

WHAT IF A MLB TEAM DOESN'T HAVE TO USE THEIR CLOSER AFTER BEING UP TEN TO ROCK?

Dear Mijares, you have sauce on your pitches . . . go for the plate, not the player. OK?

There should be a playoff game at the Dome on Tuesday (not Monday because of another sport) because the Dome sucks and it is one last FU to us all. That makes sense, doesn't it?

I haven't figured out if Zach/Zack will get steamrolled on Saturday because who knows? If we win, Detroit wins, if we lose Detroit loses. As a Minnesota Pro Sports Fan, you are just so close, but not.

Peavey will be treat to play against next year.

Oh the humanity.

I'm sorry, did you just walk Adam Everett?

Then it is true.

You do not deserve it, and you should go home.