Oh hello

Hi there. My name is Matt Capps.

Yep.

I'm fat. And my last name is Capps. And my first name is Matt.

Dickfer, I wear number 55. Here are some others who have worn #55:


Mike Redmond took batting practice naked, and was also slightly fat.


This man was very very fat, and is the reason this blog exists.

HERE WE GO!

Should we measure for width, length, or breadth?

Joe Jesus just went 5 for 5, with 7 RBI, and also took home the "Biggest One In Missouri" award.

It's 17-0 in the seventh inning. There you go, Royals.

Another great relief appearance from Jesse Crain

If you read this blog, you will know we are defenders of Jesse Crain and his pitching. Last night was just another example of his abilities. Perhaps it was the White Sox lacking knowing how to play baseball . . . yeah, that's more likely.

We need to have a talk

(Dodger legend Tommy Lasorda would like to see you in his office.)


I'm gonna be real clear with what I got to say to you. And I don't have much time, either; I'm going to a BBQ here in St. Louis. I've already sweated through three shirts, it so god damn humid here. But, listen up.

I know how you Twins fans were at the start of the season. You have your new ballpark open, you have new and tasty items at the concession stand...the kind of things I'd like to try. The Twins started hot, life was "good," and there was writing a plenty here. You know I'd chime in every now and again about the Dodgers out west. But I've noticed that, since the Twins slide into 3rd place...albeit not far out...but 3rd place, no one is writing here anymore.

Look, when I'm not doing my ambassador work for the Dodgers, giving inspirational speeches, or eating, I'm left with precious hours. And yet here I am, telling you how it is and how it was. Even as a Dodger employee and fan, life ain't perfect. When Vin isn't calling the game, you know who we have? Eric Collins and Steve Lyons. Sublime to the ridiculous. Don't tell me I don't have to deal with fucking change. So, what is it? Everyone at the "cabin" (whatever the fuck that means)? Ya got writers block because the White Sox are on a roll? Fuck the White Sox! You think I give a shit about the Padres? There's some great Mexican restaurants down there, and those first few seasons of Simon & Simon were enjoyable action and adventure, but I couldn't care less about their team's fortunes. Only reason I'm caring NOW is that THEY are in first, for whatever reason. We've barely had our hands on 'em, but that's where they are.

The Twins are taking on the Sox this weekend in a large 4-game series. I wanna see some action on this fucking thing. I know it's the middle of summer, and I'd love to be in the pool, in the floating chair, glass of my award winning wine in hand. But we're back at it. Otherwise, I'm re-naming this site "Tommy's Tales" and that's that.

That's fine by me, of course. If you boys and girls want to hear my stories, just let me know. Keep cheering those boys in Blue...and, the Twins, too...and get over the hump!