Yankee FAIL

Ok, so the Indians just threw up a 14-spot in the 2nd inning.

I'm not saying the Yankees didn't go sign a couple of big rods this summer in Sabathia and Burnett, but OH DEAR GOD, SHE AIN'T WHAT SHE USED TO BE IN THE FIELD.

Let's do a list of players who are, honest to god, actively playing in today's game for the Yankees:

Cody Ransom
Nick Swisher (HE'S BATTING CLEAN UP)
Brett Gardner (In addition to playing center field for New York, he helped do my taxes this year)
Ramiro Pena (listed GENEROUSLY at 5'10" 165 lbs)

So, Yankees. Good luck. Johnny Damon is your second best offensive player.




This man is pitching right now. That's all I have to say.

The score after 6 innings was 3-3

And then...

Jesse Crain got one out.

And he gave up 4 earned runs. He walked 3 batters. And gave up 2 hits.

Then Matt Guerrier. He got 4 outs!

He also gave up 2 hits, and one earned run.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWESOME!

Well done, shitheads!

-----------------------------

Then something happened in the 8th.

This pretty much sums up the Twins season so far

This is what happens when your team sucks at playing baseball. RA Dickey leads it in wins.

I'd write more about what I see, but it's just too damn obvious: they are sucking at nearly every facet of the game. Their 4 wins were lucky or against horseshit teams. The bullpen is the worst that I have seen in my lifetime: Honestly, when Matt Guerrier comes into the game, I am more mad than almost any other time in Twins history. For the record, the anger list looks like this:

1. Luis Rivas coming to bat
2. Joe Mays pitching past the 5th inning
3. Matt Guerrier coming into the game, ever
4. Torii with two strikes, knowing that slider is coming and HEY THERE YOU GO STRIKEOUT

Say it with me....

Matt Guerrier.

I'm sorry. I meant to say "Human Waste".

"Life Failer"

"Garbage"

"Matt Guerrier is horseshit"

Craig A. Breslow relieved Matt Guerrier.
Wells singled to center, Hill to third.
Rios popped out to second.
Hill singled to left center.
Scutaro homered to left, Barajas scored.
Bautista popped out to second.
Barajas singled to right.
Matt Guerrier relieved Francisco Liriano.

----------------------------------------

Hey, WOAH I posted too soon.

Let's see that inning in its entirety:

Millar homered to left, Wells, Lind and Rolen scored.
R.A. Dickey relieved Craig A. Breslow.
Rolen walked, Lind to second.
Wells to third on wild pitch.
Lind walked.
Hill scored, Wells to second on wild pitch.
Craig A. Breslow relieved Matt Guerrier.
Wells singled to center, Hill to third.
Rios popped out to second.
Hill singled to left center.
Scutaro homered to left, Barajas scored.
Bautista popped out to second.
Barajas singled to right.
Matt Guerrier relieved Francisco Liriano.

HOLY CHRIST. THE BULLPEN HAS NEVER BEEN THIS BAD, INCLUDING WHEN RON DAVIS WAS THE CLOSER.

Seriously, I can't even comprehend this. The Blue Jays are perfectly good team, but not good enough to beat the Twins' ass like this every night. That is 7 runs (and counting) in the seventh inning.

I don't know the solution. I just know garbage when I see it. And Breslow, Crain, Guerrier and Dickey are ALL FUCKING GARBAGE.

Update: Barajas doubled to center. Dickey still in there.

I would live-blog these games, but it would make me throw up.

Innocence Gone Awry

I saw a score which had the Twins winning over the Toronto Blue Jays. I politely asked Drew later if they won. I received a large laugh in return and then was reminded of said bullpen. All I know of this bullpen is from this here blog, which has been swift and prompt in the reviews. It's also been correct.

I'm no stranger to bullpen fuck-ups...does anyone remember the LaTroy Hawkins Blown-Save Meter? But after looking at the stats of last night's game (The BJs have defeated the Twins 10 games in a row?!) I saw a lone comment on Sportsline:

"Putting Ayala into the game is the equivalent of putting drugs in front of an addict. BAD things are bound to happen when either of the two previous scenarios unfold."

Hmmm, who is this Ayala guy anyway? Let's look him up.
Ok, 5.71 ERA last season. So far this season he didn't look too good against Seattle. Well, maybe he's a...wow, ok the team ERA is over 5. More runs have been given up in the first five innings than the last four, though.

This is starting to get depressing. And Mark Fidrych going to the nest for the final time yesterday. We've got to turn things around here. Hey - Orlando Hudson hit for the cycle for the Dodgers! It's their first player to hit for the cycle in nearly 40 years and...what, that's not sunshine?

Sorry, this will lift your spirits.

This is what you call a "fail" inning

Current Half Inning (last play on top)
	Scutaro walked.
	Snider stole second.
	Matt Guerrier relieved Kevin Slowey.
	Snider walked.
	Barajas grounded out to shortstop.
	Overbay homered to right, Rolen scored.
	Rolen singled to left.

CORKY. CORKY MILLER.

A MAN NAMED CORKY MILLER IS STARTING AT THE POSITION OF CATCHER FOR THE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM OF THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX.

Dear god almighty in heaven above, he returns. Corky. Good to see him again.

A Glazed Easter Ham For The South Side

A quick look at your starting pitchers tonight:




Holy shit this White Sox team might not win 70 games.

White Sox Bullpen

Pssst, White Sox. Come here, just a few words.

Come closer....

I just wanted to remind you that you employ the following man to pitch out of your bullpen.



So happy to be pitching for Royals #1 Baseball!




"This is how you throw it if you want it to be launched into the hushed night sky"




"NICK PUNTO'S NOT S'POSED TO BE ABLE TO HIT A THREE RUN DONG!"





"Whatever. Ozzie will put me in tomorrow. Who else do they have? LaTroy?"

I Sure Would Like To Know When Randy Johnson Became The Guy From "Saw"

The Knuckler, Knuckling