Time for a stretch

(During the All-Star Break, the Writer's Guild Theater in Beverly Hills had a screening of The Bad News Bears, which was hosted by baseball legend Tommy Lasorda.  After the screening, Mr. Lasorda opened the floor to questions.)

"Yeah.  You know, I was the Dodgers 3rd base coach when this came out.  And I think it's just the greatest thing to have kids play baseball, like that guy said.  Of course, we were surprised to hear the kids talking like us!  By the way - setting this film here in LA shows how much...(belch) excuse me."

(A question is asked about Walter Matthau playing a manager)

"I thought he did a fantastic job.  And by the way, if you think getting kids to play your way isn't easy, try getting grown men to listen to you instead of screwing around.  In Albuquerque, when I managed there, you got a lotta guys trying to make it to the big leagues.  Once I got up here, I realized that a lot of these guys think they have it made and can do whatever the hell they want.  I'm sorry...whatever they want."

(Terry Crowley writer Trip Darvez asked a question about the Pizza Hut bar scene)

"Wait a minute!  I know this guy.  You've probably never read his...blog, or whatever.  Trip Darnell or whatever.  He wrote about how bad we are.  Let me tell you something - we went into this break winning 4 in a row!  Shoved those Padres back in the basement.  Let's hope Mr. Yankees has an idea of what he's doing now!  Otherwise, and believe me when I say this, I'm gonna do what I gotta do."

(crowd applauds)