Thursday, July 24, 2008

A Comprehensive List Of Problems On The Current Minnesota Twins Baseball Team

This has been a great year, far surpassing expectations and giving many of us hope for the future. It has also been a year in which we've had to endure looking at Brendan Harris' face. With that in mind, allow me to comment on the problems that this Twins team currently has:

1. Nick Punto is allowed to play baseball on a regular basis.

His life is one horrible failure after another. As Nani once put it, he's just not quite good enough in so many areas of athletic competition, it leads to a sinking feeling every time I see his face. I will give him points for being incredibly stupid though, because that means he fits right in with this team.

2. Jesse Crain can't do anything well.

We really could use a guy to come into the game in the 7th or 8th inning and leave without giving up 8 runs. That would be really quite nice. A guy that doesn't walk everyone he faces. A guy who doesn't telegraph every pitch. A guy who can throw a strike without it being right down the middle. Jesse Crain is not this guy.

3. Carlos Gomez plays the game like a small child, and that's not a good thing.

Eventually, he's going to have to figure out a way to hit a baseball.

4. Livan Hernandez is fat.

It's really going to suck when he peels off 4 starts in a row where he gives up 8 runs a piece. Because that's coming. But, of course, maybe Liriano will be allowed up when that happens, so that might be a good thing. Liriano stays in the vegetable aisle, while Livan goes straight for the boxed dinner section.

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The bottom line is that occasionally, the collective stupidness of the team works against them, as it has been when they play against good teams. Smart pitchers can easily take them apart, because all you really have to do is know exactly what they are going to swing at, and throw something that looks like it. You see it happen to Gomez every time up. The upside of this is that with the team so dumb, I'm not sure they even remember that they played a game yesterday. That should help the swings on Friday.

2 comments:

Jake MacDonald said...

Someone give Livan a diet pill.

Dickfer said...

It would be really cool if that Liriano guy came back to the majors and did what he did before he got hurt. I would be OK with that. Yep.