About 20 cents shy of a quarter

Sure, it's been bare bones on ye olde blog here for the month of April. But that's only because the mercury has only sniffed 60 in a handful of days and that makes me think it's still March. Oh, sure Alexi Casilla couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat (BEVACQUA GO!) but don't worry, he'll get it in gear by the time the season star- what? Oh hell, this isn't good.

Here's a few of the Twins' problems so far this season:

1. HITTING THE BASEBALL

Throughout history (History = Since 2001), the Twins have an almost-perfect record of picking up a "Grey Beard" for one season of glory and then watching them ride away after their apex. The prime example of this is, of course, Old Grey Beard, Mr. Terry Mulholland himself. And last year, Mr. Jim Thome was exactly that, a resurrected old salt dog who could knock the ball to the Crystal Court and not blink an eye. His turnaround of the Matt Thornton fastball was THE defining White Sox fail moment of the season. This year? Well, that .375 slugging percentage ain't exactly what it used to be. In fact, it's the lowest that it has been in a non-injury year since 1992. THAT'S THE YEAR THE CHRONIC CAME OUT ON COMPACT DISC.

But Bigg Jim ain't the only one to blame here. Casilla's hitting a buck ninety. Joe Mauer is out because his legs are weak. His replacement, Drew Butera, might set the all-time MLB record for Biggest Dropoff Between Starter And Backup. Drew is hitting .106 with an OPS of .309. AN OPS OF .309! When was the last time Joe Mauer even had an ON BASE percentage lower than that? N.E.V.E.R. Oh father christmas, someone heal them legs.

2. PITCHING THE BASEBALL

I don't trust these kids. I just don't. Jokers like Slowey, Blackburn and Baker, they just don't have it. And you can run every number, and give me every projection in the universe, and I'll still tell you what I see when they pitch: little pants-pissers that try too hard and end up giving up big leads against bad teams. Baker's been here a long time, and he's been OK, but I never trusted him.

And then there's Liriano. HE IS THE BEST PITCHER THAT HAS EVER PITCHED AND I HAVE ALWAYS RESPECTED HIM NO MATTER WHAT.  IF ANYONE EVER SAYS ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM, THEY ARE JUST WRONG.


3. NOT GETTING INJURED

So apparently they don't break up double plays in Japan? Oh, that's great, thanks for telling him about that in spring training, guys. Delmon and Joe are out for awhile. Morneau is hitting .225 in his return from The Concussion. Again, spring training ended a month ago.

And finally, here's a nifty little graph that is posted on Baseball Reference:

Notice how they only run the data to 10 runs.  The Twins have "buried the speedometer" in 3 games so far.  Look at all that red.  I see one convincing victory in there, and a bunch of squeak-bys.  It seems like every other loss is a monster one.

Like Tommy would say, time to get it in gear.  The Indians' dance is going to end soon, and Kansas City likes to wet themselves, but let's get this thing at least going in the right direction.

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Oh, and Matt Grrrr?  Take a look to the right sidebar at the tag cloud.  Look in the Ms.  That tells you all you need to know.