Buckle it up

Note: this is the latest chapter in the cross-post bonanza happening internet-wide (on 4 different websites)

I have two rules in life:

1) Don't do a gig for less than $200.
2) Only knock Tommy down the page if you are posting scans of the 1986 Twins Yearbook.


Giddy and go.

In 1986 the Twins won 71 games. They had won 77 the year before, and with the young core of Puckett, Hrbek, Bruno and Rat, plus the pitching of Bert and Frankie, they were supposed to improve in 86. It didn't quite work out that way.

This is a public service announcement for the Metrodome. Brought to you by the good people who control the Metrodome. Co-authored, I'm sure, by Sid Hartman. Did you guys know that by playing in the Dome, the Twins never had one rain delay? Oh, but they did have to STOP A FUCKING GAME IN EXTRA INNINGS BECAUSE THE GOPHERS HAD TO PLAY THAT NIGHT.

TINKER FIELD. BERT BLYLEVEN, WEARING THE ST. PATTY'S DAY GEAR.

I don't think we survived the crash.

Hi there, my name's Carl! I'm an honest, hard-working American like yourself who just wants to put a good product out on the field. I bought this team because of my love of baseball and Minnesota! Hang on one sec... (picks up phone, puts hand over mouthpiece) I don't give a shit how many kids she's got, if she's behind on the mortgage we toss her ass to the rats! So come out this year and watch our young stars win! Guaranteed no rainouts!

P.S. Howard T. Fox Jr. is DEFINITELY the kind of guy who casually drops the F-word to waitresses at lunch.

1. TK, how bright is it?
2. Tony, didn't your entire hitting philosophy revolve around "Swing at slop, drive into gaps, go to Murray's and eat a big steak"? How long does it take to teach that to Bruno?

Stelly is still with the team. And he's as angry as he appeared in that picture. How many times do you think Stelly has openly questioned Scott Baker's prowess? A million?

Aaaaaaaaaaaand here's the reason the 86 Twins bombed out. Ron Davis was 2-6 with a 9.08 ERA. His WHIP was 2.172. This excerpt from Wikipedia says it all:

In 1986, his last year with the Twins, Davis began the year with two saves in April. These would be the last saves of his career. He gave up his first runs of that season in a game against the California Angels. After hitting the first batter he faced, Davis eventually loaded the bases and allowed the game tying run to score by throwing a wild pitch. In the bottom of the ninth, he then gave up a three run home run to lose the game. In another infamous game that year against the Boston Red Sox, he came on in a save situation in the ninth inning. After getting his first two batters out, he loaded the bases and then issued a walk to force in the tying run. He then hit the next batter with a pitch to force in the winning run. With that loss, Davis lost his closer's role and was later traded to the Chicago Cubs in mid-season. He was used sparingly in relief the rest of his career.

They fired his ass because a loser is a loser.

However, people often point to this as a turning point for the Twins, being that RD was out and Jeff Reardon moved in the next season. Hey, sometimes you gotta break some eggs.

When in doubt, just print the word "Twins" under beer cans, you'll get where you're goin.

"Nobody knows where Vaughn will land, but it won't be back in Boston".

I figure Boston fans probably get a good 20 years of joy out of shit like this. Sure, it may not be full belly-laughter, but it's got to still bring a smile. Hey Mets, how did that work out?

If you have a mustache and your name is Louisiana Lightnin', then the probability that you contracted an STD over the course of your playing career hovers around 1.

The very same ligament that was designed to hold the elbow together was the one that was ruptured?!?!?

"I slipped, and fell in mud. RUINING the very pants I was going to return".

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! YOU HIT ALL THOSE HOME RUNS BECAUSE YOU DRANK MILK? PERHAPS IF I DRINK ENOUGH MILK I CAN HIT 70 HOME RUNS IN A SEASON AND HAVE A LOT OF BACNE!!!