Yowzer...one month in, and whatever the stakes and predictions were for the Dodgers this season, the results are below...and getting worse.
The Dodge began the season with and overabundance of starters, and refused to commit to the 5. The season started with this group:
Kershaw
Ryu
Beckett
Greinke
Billingsley
Ted Lilly, who shouldn't be on the team, was eventually forced down to Albuquerque. This left two other starters...Aaron Harang and Chris Capuano. What happened, and what did Ned do to adjust?
1. Harang was sent to Colorado for catcher Ramon Hernandez. Oh good, we now employ a catcher who has 1 hit in 18 at bats. The Rockies end up trading Harang to Seattle. How's he doing? Currently 1-3 with an 8.68 ERA. A push if there ever was one.
2. Billingsley thought he was healthy. He was not. By the 2nd start we found that arm to need the ol TJ surgery. That opens up a spot for minor leaguer (who was called up last year) Stephen Fife. Fife has pitched 1 game (literally called up the night before) and couldn't even go 5 innings. Naturally, Fife is now injured as well.
3. Capuano was sent by Mattingly to the bullpen. Cap didn't like this. He didn't look good out of the bullpen, and thanks to injuries in the rotation, was made a starter again. Didn't look too good, either. Naturally, he is now injured.
4. Greinke was injured in a brawl by a filthy San Diego Padre...who wisely avoided playing in LA the following week. Out through May at least. I guess that means Ted Lilly.
5. Lilly has 2 starts, currently 0-1 with a 5.63 ERA. Not horrible enough to be sent down but guess who else is injured. Ted just got a cortisone shot in a rib.
This leaves the Dodgers with 4 healthy starters in the rotation. Two are good (Billingsley and Ryu). One is average to bad (Beckett). One is a minor leaguer who looked all right in his one start (Matt Magill). That's it. That's your starting group. And as much as I'd want to normally cut and adjust the pitching, there aren't enough bodies to do so. The rest in Albuquerque aren't worth the call.
In terms of bats, thank goodness Hanley has returned. He did so hitting a home run Vin labeled "Sky High." This solves some of the problems. Luis Cruz, the man who was to be the 3rd baseman this year based on his excellent 2012 campaign, is batting a scant .088. Bye.
Donny Yankees continues to keep Skip Schumaker around. He's in the infield, outfield, and pitching. In sum, it's a .128 average that isn't helping at all except pitching the 9th of a blowout loss because Donny, using his Torre method, has used everyone in the bullpen. Bye.
Hernandez...mentioned him above, but it's worth saying again. I'd like to be a back-up catcher who can just watch called strike 3's sail by me. I can turn and yell at no one in particular and wander back to the dugout. Bye.
Hitting coach Mark McSteroid hasn't exactly been a good luck charm. Guys like Ethier and Kemp used to be great hitters. Now, the team has to count on Gonzalez and Crawford to be the sole providers of runs, as the Dodgers have one of the highest left on base totals in the National League. How does someone like Matt Kemp become a guy who's "pressing" in at-bats? I really hope Mark isn't changing what wasn't broken. Though I suppose if you get a shot in the rump each morning, no matter your swing, it will be a home run. Right, Bud?
Albuquerque has two guys worth bringing up: catcher Tim Ferdowicz who's batting an insane .514 with 4 home runs. Sounds good. A back-up outfielder, Matt Angle, is currently .312...also worth a go. But whether either guy gets called up, the question remains: why is the front office so passive? Why do they react instead of act?
Knowing them, I'm sure Magic, Peter and the gang want to open up the checkbook and get someone else...but if you're truly going to solve the shitstains from McCourt, scouting and talent evaluation has to be improved. If you don't have any rising stars in the minors worth using, what good is it to sit in your own shit? A change like that can't occur overnight, but you'd be hard pressed to find it happening 1 month into the season.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Grumbles
(Tommy Lasorda was seen muttering to himself after last night's game. Thankfully, a Dictaphone was nearby, recording his comments)
Christ, look at me. Look like I haven't slept in fucking days. Feel like it, even though I've been enjoying those new Big Blue Burgers. What a shitty series against the Padres. The fucking Padres! Two wins those guys have, and they come up here...well, first those assholes injure one of our star pitchers. Then they come up here and manhandle us.
Take last night's game for example. Donny Yankees thinks Kemp is "frustrated" so he starts Skip Fucking Schumaker?! Guy's off to a worse start than Kemp! Still no solution for the Third Base and Short Stop problem. I still don't trust that Punto guy. Hey Wallach, is it POON-Toe or PUNT-o? Aw hell, it doesn't matter. He finally gets a start and goes 0 for 4 with an error. Just watching pitches go by. Sellers isn't even at .200.
Then there's last night. We finally put Cap back as a starter...Donny Yankees trying to make starters closers with all the injuries we have...and he's serving up more meatballs than I can handle. Well, more than Doc says I can have, but you guys know my capabilities. By the way, I know I'm supposed to have turkey meatballs now, but you have to tell me when they're turkey and when they're ground Italian sausage, capice?
Oh man, that means we have to start Lilly sometime next week. Well, you'll find out how far a car will run with no gas.
(Lasorda than took a long draw from a glass containing one of his award-winning wines, and stared into his wall of fame)
Christ, look at me. Look like I haven't slept in fucking days. Feel like it, even though I've been enjoying those new Big Blue Burgers. What a shitty series against the Padres. The fucking Padres! Two wins those guys have, and they come up here...well, first those assholes injure one of our star pitchers. Then they come up here and manhandle us.
Take last night's game for example. Donny Yankees thinks Kemp is "frustrated" so he starts Skip Fucking Schumaker?! Guy's off to a worse start than Kemp! Still no solution for the Third Base and Short Stop problem. I still don't trust that Punto guy. Hey Wallach, is it POON-Toe or PUNT-o? Aw hell, it doesn't matter. He finally gets a start and goes 0 for 4 with an error. Just watching pitches go by. Sellers isn't even at .200.
Then there's last night. We finally put Cap back as a starter...Donny Yankees trying to make starters closers with all the injuries we have...and he's serving up more meatballs than I can handle. Well, more than Doc says I can have, but you guys know my capabilities. By the way, I know I'm supposed to have turkey meatballs now, but you have to tell me when they're turkey and when they're ground Italian sausage, capice?
Oh man, that means we have to start Lilly sometime next week. Well, you'll find out how far a car will run with no gas.
(Lasorda than took a long draw from a glass containing one of his award-winning wines, and stared into his wall of fame)
Monday, April 8, 2013
Things are shaping up
(Dodger legend Tommy Lasorda was interviewed after Sunday's game to discuss their start to the season)
Hello baseball fans! I want to show you something.
That's me, back at the ballpark. After the Giants series, I told my Doc that it had been almost a year since the recent heart-attack, and the team needed my leadership. So, I stopped doing exercises and eating right, and returned to the new and improved Dodger Stadium! I've been gone so long and spent so much time trying to eat that trail mix, I bet half these guys didn't recognize me. Some of 'em are new, so I had a lot of conversations with these new guys, reminding them they always have a seat at my private dining booth in the locker room. Except Uribe - he's ready to challenge me to a rib eating contest, but not when he's with the club! I've told that guy 3 fucking times now, and he keeps saying "Tommeee! Reeebs!"
See, even just writing about it gets me hungry. Let me get the baseball stuff out of the way first and foremost. A year ago, a lot of windbag writers were giving us shit because we had an "easy schedule" to start the season. Look, I'M not the one who sends Pittsburgh to us so early in the season...but I'm glad for their generosity! The Dodger pitching has been phenomenal, and we swept the Pirates as we do in these parts. Even Donny Mustache is getting his shit together. He accidentally put Matt Grrrrr in the game, and after 2 batters, realized his mistake. Out went Matt, and in went someone who knew how to pitch.
Saturday Night's 1-0 win was another masterful performance by Kershaw, but god-awful hitting. Why the fuck did Magic get all star-struck and hire McGwire as hitting coach? As I told people then and now: take the roids out of that guy and what do you have? Don Mattingly. Uh oh.
Anyway, once I saw the Dodgers were coming to bat, I did my best to sample the new food items at the ballpark. I know a lot of fans want to get comfortable at the stadium, but without much knowledge of the food, feel lost and confused. Well, here's my take on our new friends:
Brooklyn Dodger Dog - Good, improved toppings to a Dodger Dog, but not spicy enough as I anticipated. Don't evoke Brooklyn and give me a regular dog!
Big Blue Burger - Delicious! Seems wrong to have a burger at a baseball game, but you won't make a mistake choosing this delight. Go easy on the onions. Kind of gassy.
Cheeseburger - We all but kicked out Carl's Jr. and their confused workers for this, and it's quite good. A little small for my appetite, though.
Grilled Cheese - Peter Guber added this for the non-meat eating fan. I honestly had no idea this was at the stadium. Someone brought it on a plate, I ate it, end of story. The REAL story is that after Guber told me about it, I asked him why don't we have Sicilian style Garlic Bread? He said "I'll get back to you." He'd better, or my back will get to him if you grasp the concept.
Carne Asada Tacos - Had these with Fernando on Sunday. We liked em...3 don't fill you up, so plan accordingly. Had a Pretzel right afterward that didn't sit well. Don't think that's a good combination.
And, in case my Doc is reading this...well, we have a day off and I just arrived in San Diego. Going to go for a walk around the waterfront. Get a little air and give some more, I always say. Here come the Dodgers!
Hello baseball fans! I want to show you something.
That's me, back at the ballpark. After the Giants series, I told my Doc that it had been almost a year since the recent heart-attack, and the team needed my leadership. So, I stopped doing exercises and eating right, and returned to the new and improved Dodger Stadium! I've been gone so long and spent so much time trying to eat that trail mix, I bet half these guys didn't recognize me. Some of 'em are new, so I had a lot of conversations with these new guys, reminding them they always have a seat at my private dining booth in the locker room. Except Uribe - he's ready to challenge me to a rib eating contest, but not when he's with the club! I've told that guy 3 fucking times now, and he keeps saying "Tommeee! Reeebs!"
See, even just writing about it gets me hungry. Let me get the baseball stuff out of the way first and foremost. A year ago, a lot of windbag writers were giving us shit because we had an "easy schedule" to start the season. Look, I'M not the one who sends Pittsburgh to us so early in the season...but I'm glad for their generosity! The Dodger pitching has been phenomenal, and we swept the Pirates as we do in these parts. Even Donny Mustache is getting his shit together. He accidentally put Matt Grrrrr in the game, and after 2 batters, realized his mistake. Out went Matt, and in went someone who knew how to pitch.
Saturday Night's 1-0 win was another masterful performance by Kershaw, but god-awful hitting. Why the fuck did Magic get all star-struck and hire McGwire as hitting coach? As I told people then and now: take the roids out of that guy and what do you have? Don Mattingly. Uh oh.
Anyway, once I saw the Dodgers were coming to bat, I did my best to sample the new food items at the ballpark. I know a lot of fans want to get comfortable at the stadium, but without much knowledge of the food, feel lost and confused. Well, here's my take on our new friends:
Brooklyn Dodger Dog - Good, improved toppings to a Dodger Dog, but not spicy enough as I anticipated. Don't evoke Brooklyn and give me a regular dog!
Big Blue Burger - Delicious! Seems wrong to have a burger at a baseball game, but you won't make a mistake choosing this delight. Go easy on the onions. Kind of gassy.
Cheeseburger - We all but kicked out Carl's Jr. and their confused workers for this, and it's quite good. A little small for my appetite, though.
Grilled Cheese - Peter Guber added this for the non-meat eating fan. I honestly had no idea this was at the stadium. Someone brought it on a plate, I ate it, end of story. The REAL story is that after Guber told me about it, I asked him why don't we have Sicilian style Garlic Bread? He said "I'll get back to you." He'd better, or my back will get to him if you grasp the concept.
Carne Asada Tacos - Had these with Fernando on Sunday. We liked em...3 don't fill you up, so plan accordingly. Had a Pretzel right afterward that didn't sit well. Don't think that's a good combination.
And, in case my Doc is reading this...well, we have a day off and I just arrived in San Diego. Going to go for a walk around the waterfront. Get a little air and give some more, I always say. Here come the Dodgers!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
No Hanley, No Win #1
It's a long season, we know this...and we know we can't win 'em all. That said, last night's shut-out loss to the Giants showed the problem the Dodgers have in filling that gap.
A parade of minor-league talent will be taking that position. Last night was Justin Sellers...and if there was a 1-man loss, here's a stat line for you:
2 AB
0 H
1 K
2 E
So after personally (and I mean that in the most literal sense) putting the Dodge down 3 runs, Donny Yankees chooses Nick Punto in the 8th. Nick will "pinch hit." He came to the plate, the crowd said nothing, and here's the sequence:
Ball
Strike looking
Foul into the dirt
Ball
Strike out looking
Did you expect anything different? The Dodgers were blinded by Giant pitching last night, and it can happen against most anyone. But when you're giving up runs due to lack of ability, you're screwed either way. Sellers, I'd be saving those checks big time until Han Ram returns. Maybe you could own a sports bar or something...maybe a car wash?
A parade of minor-league talent will be taking that position. Last night was Justin Sellers...and if there was a 1-man loss, here's a stat line for you:
2 AB
0 H
1 K
2 E
So after personally (and I mean that in the most literal sense) putting the Dodge down 3 runs, Donny Yankees chooses Nick Punto in the 8th. Nick will "pinch hit." He came to the plate, the crowd said nothing, and here's the sequence:
Ball
Strike looking
Foul into the dirt
Ball
Strike out looking
Did you expect anything different? The Dodgers were blinded by Giant pitching last night, and it can happen against most anyone. But when you're giving up runs due to lack of ability, you're screwed either way. Sellers, I'd be saving those checks big time until Han Ram returns. Maybe you could own a sports bar or something...maybe a car wash?
Thursday, March 21, 2013
This...this is not good
So Hanley Ramirez is out for in the least the month of April for the Dodgers. That is just a putter to the junk. There's no other way to say it...because here are the options
1. Move Luis Cruz to SS, which Donny Yankees may do, but only shifts the problem to 3B (where Cruz usually plays)
2. Use the SS back-ups, which include the following gems:
Juan Uribe
Tommy will have to do more than the usual motivation...and even that might not be enough...
1. Move Luis Cruz to SS, which Donny Yankees may do, but only shifts the problem to 3B (where Cruz usually plays)
2. Use the SS back-ups, which include the following gems:
Juan Uribe
- 2012 season .191 in 47 games
- Played only 4 of those at SS
- Lead team in donut consumption
- 2012 season .228
- When returning from injury was replaced with better player
- Currently injured "day to day"
- Will attempt to not swing at every first pitch in 2013 season
- Will attempt to not throw each time to the 5th row
- No description needed.
Tommy will have to do more than the usual motivation...and even that might not be enough...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Check has Arrived
(Editor's Note: Dodger legends Tommy Lasorda and Fernando Valenzuela have been asked to sum up the season before tonight's game)
Well, Nando, we're all done for the year. I think it's gonna take some time to get our heads around the fact that not only are the Dodgers out of the playoffs, it was the Giants that kept us out. What do you think?
Hemos comenzado realmente caliente, pero que en el nuevo jugadores no nos gana.
I know, and that's the part that gets me. Last year we finished strong, but when it came down to the money games, and I look in the dugout and see my boys out there...Lopes and Wallach, but Donny Yankees in the dugout, I had a bad taste in my mouth.
¿Lo mismo que cuando el médico le dijo a comer más frutas secas?
Worse than that. I spend all that time in all those restaurants giving Donny advice, and all he does after yet another close loss is show me some fucking crib sheet he made during Spring Training one year with New York. He even told the staff at Eastside Market Deli when I smuggled in my own garlic bread. Some fucking help he was that day.
Entrenador, yo nunca le privaría de la comida.
Nor would I to you. Look, we got a long off-season...new owners, and I'm gonna get involved again. I don't give a shit what the doctors say. Nando, get me some of that turkey pepperoni. I got calls to make.
Well, Nando, we're all done for the year. I think it's gonna take some time to get our heads around the fact that not only are the Dodgers out of the playoffs, it was the Giants that kept us out. What do you think?
Hemos comenzado realmente caliente, pero que en el nuevo jugadores no nos gana.
I know, and that's the part that gets me. Last year we finished strong, but when it came down to the money games, and I look in the dugout and see my boys out there...Lopes and Wallach, but Donny Yankees in the dugout, I had a bad taste in my mouth.
¿Lo mismo que cuando el médico le dijo a comer más frutas secas?
Worse than that. I spend all that time in all those restaurants giving Donny advice, and all he does after yet another close loss is show me some fucking crib sheet he made during Spring Training one year with New York. He even told the staff at Eastside Market Deli when I smuggled in my own garlic bread. Some fucking help he was that day.
Entrenador, yo nunca le privaría de la comida.
Nor would I to you. Look, we got a long off-season...new owners, and I'm gonna get involved again. I don't give a shit what the doctors say. Nando, get me some of that turkey pepperoni. I got calls to make.
Monday, October 1, 2012
(fail music)
I know, I know. This is a baseball blog and I write in here twice a year about how much the Twins suck, and I don't really enjoy looking at Ryan Doumit's face. But this White Sox failing has really been a good one. Look at that cliff. "HEY ADAM DUNN IS HITTING BOMBS THIS YEAR AND WE GOT LIRIANO AND AJ'S HITTING THE BALL AND WE'RE GONNA-"
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Joe Blanton belongs in Albuquerque
Google,
Did you get that subject line? I sure hope you did, because I know it's on the mind of LA baseball fans. Just to make sure, I'll say it again.
Joe Blanton belongs in Albuquerque.
In the Dodgers wheelin' and dealin' to help "position the team for the postseason," we received Joe Blanton from the Phillies because (it was guessed) they no longer wanted him. It wasn't his record that worried me (Nathan Eovaldi, now with Miami, was particularly unlucky in his starts), it was the over 4 ERA.
Since coming to the Dodgers? Well, it's in every recap of last night's game, but it doesn't hurt to write it here, too:
GS: 4
W-L: 0-3
ERA: 7.71
Sorry, I thought you were someone who wanted to help the team. As with last year, the Dodge found minor leaguers to stop the bleeding in the rotation. They had that this season with Stephen Fife. Here's his numbers:
GS: 3
W-L: 0-1
ERA: 2.16
Nearly the same sample size, and again: I'm more concerned with the ERA. Pitchers can only do so much in creating a win. If the bats aren't there and they lose 1-0, it's not their fault. But when you can't even last 5 innings without giving up 4+ runs, you need time for seasoning...IN THE MINOR LEAGUES. And Joe, I want the team to win. To ensure this, go online and get three tickets (Ronald Belisario and Juan Uribe can sit next to you) and enjoy your time in Isotopeland! We'll be in touch.
Did you get that subject line? I sure hope you did, because I know it's on the mind of LA baseball fans. Just to make sure, I'll say it again.
Joe Blanton belongs in Albuquerque.
In the Dodgers wheelin' and dealin' to help "position the team for the postseason," we received Joe Blanton from the Phillies because (it was guessed) they no longer wanted him. It wasn't his record that worried me (Nathan Eovaldi, now with Miami, was particularly unlucky in his starts), it was the over 4 ERA.
Since coming to the Dodgers? Well, it's in every recap of last night's game, but it doesn't hurt to write it here, too:
GS: 4
W-L: 0-3
ERA: 7.71
Sorry, I thought you were someone who wanted to help the team. As with last year, the Dodge found minor leaguers to stop the bleeding in the rotation. They had that this season with Stephen Fife. Here's his numbers:
GS: 3
W-L: 0-1
ERA: 2.16
Nearly the same sample size, and again: I'm more concerned with the ERA. Pitchers can only do so much in creating a win. If the bats aren't there and they lose 1-0, it's not their fault. But when you can't even last 5 innings without giving up 4+ runs, you need time for seasoning...IN THE MINOR LEAGUES. And Joe, I want the team to win. To ensure this, go online and get three tickets (Ronald Belisario and Juan Uribe can sit next to you) and enjoy your time in Isotopeland! We'll be in touch.
Monday, August 6, 2012
This Win's For You
Hey! Back at Dodger Stadium, and the Dodgers come back to beat the Cubs. Let's go to the Dodgers dugout and there's Tommy Lasorda. Tommy, your guys did it again.
Yes, Harry...after this week I had to right the ship. We got a lot of new guys here, and I had to set 'em straight. The Cubs hung around a lot today and played us tough.
Tommy, your sweep of the Cubs keeps you a half game out of first, and it's been- (takes long draw of Budweiser)...
Well, it's not going to be the kind of celebration that you're looking for, I don't think, but we've got a victory meal lined up. Some of my award winning wines, and a new Italian Sausage Burger that I think you'll enjoy.
That sounds good, but what about that wine of yours?
My award winning wines will be there, you better believe it.
Hey! I guess today's victory, the Dodgers won the season series...that means you have a prime rib dinner coming your way!
Next time I'm in town, you better make the call! Does Jerry Gansini still have that garlic bread at that place?
He sure does and...well, Arne is telling me we gotta wrap it up. We'll be back with more of the 10th Inning Show on WGN.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Hey Boston, how's your season?
Ours is shit, thanks for asking. But glad to see you down here. We all float down here...
Friday, August 3, 2012
Wha Happen?
Sorry, Tommy...but what can I say? I'm using all the lessons you taught me back in 1988. You know, I was reading that I'm yet another successful former Dodger that's managing another team...and not--
I knew you guys weren't that good.
Monday, July 30, 2012
What's that, Giant Fans?
Huh? Well, let's hear it! Thought you were gonna shut us out again? Keep us out of first place? Why is everybody so QUIET?! I'M BACK. AH, SHUT UP. I'M BACK, and we're in first place again. No fucking coincidence there. Hey, by the way, great summer weather you have here. Hope we remembered to plug in the car before we leave the stadium.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Toast of the Town
(Dodger Legend Tommy Lasorda, under strict orders to "distance" himself from the team after his heart attack earlier this summer, just happened to be in New York City the same time the Dodgers played the Mets)
Look pretty good, huh? Well, they still won't let me near the stadium or team...at least not as much as I should be. And I gotta tell you, that aggravates me. Last time I was involved, we were in first place, outplaying everyone. Now? Donny Yankees sent us slipping to 2nd place, behind the Giants. I know we have a long way to go, but don't get the Giants involved in your plans...unless it's to just beat them!
Well, we're off to New York to play the Mets, and I had enough sitting on the bench. So, my wife and I accepted an invitation from Rao's restaurant to a gala celebration for their new Vodka Sauce in stores. It was just a coincidence the Dodgers were in town; at least that's what I told Ned.
Friday and Saturday, we take care of the Mets as we should, but Sunday Donny starts playing "everyone gets a turn at pitching" - and I couldn't believe it. I kept one of the waiters nearby, Antonio, and kept handing him cash to give me the score. OK, I gotta think of something. So, I figure every time I get the feeling we're in a bind, I'll take a spoonful of sauce. I'm not shoving down pasta, so no concerned looks from everyone. Next thing I know, Antonio comes back to the table and says "they winning, 8'ah to 3." I nod, smile, try to keep my composure. Of course, I DIDN'T notice I'd consumed a salad bowl full of sauce. You hear that, Doc? No bread or nothing. I get Antonio's attention one last time, and he takes the bowl away. Next thing happens...here comes the owner.
"Well, congratulations, Mr. Lasorda, the Dodgers swept the Mets!"
My wife turns to me, "Hey, isn't that a great surprise?"
It's a surprise to everyone but me!
Look pretty good, huh? Well, they still won't let me near the stadium or team...at least not as much as I should be. And I gotta tell you, that aggravates me. Last time I was involved, we were in first place, outplaying everyone. Now? Donny Yankees sent us slipping to 2nd place, behind the Giants. I know we have a long way to go, but don't get the Giants involved in your plans...unless it's to just beat them!
Well, we're off to New York to play the Mets, and I had enough sitting on the bench. So, my wife and I accepted an invitation from Rao's restaurant to a gala celebration for their new Vodka Sauce in stores. It was just a coincidence the Dodgers were in town; at least that's what I told Ned.
Friday and Saturday, we take care of the Mets as we should, but Sunday Donny starts playing "everyone gets a turn at pitching" - and I couldn't believe it. I kept one of the waiters nearby, Antonio, and kept handing him cash to give me the score. OK, I gotta think of something. So, I figure every time I get the feeling we're in a bind, I'll take a spoonful of sauce. I'm not shoving down pasta, so no concerned looks from everyone. Next thing I know, Antonio comes back to the table and says "they winning, 8'ah to 3." I nod, smile, try to keep my composure. Of course, I DIDN'T notice I'd consumed a salad bowl full of sauce. You hear that, Doc? No bread or nothing. I get Antonio's attention one last time, and he takes the bowl away. Next thing happens...here comes the owner.
"Well, congratulations, Mr. Lasorda, the Dodgers swept the Mets!"
My wife turns to me, "Hey, isn't that a great surprise?"
It's a surprise to everyone but me!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Bay Area Blues
Tommy, I just have to stay here until the game is over. Well, it...wait, now, Tommy, I was to hold the remote until--
Easy now, Mr. Lasorda. Let me get the stress toy, and we can--
Either you get me a plate of spaghetti and meatballs in the next 10 minutes, or...I'm having Donny Yankees fired. FIRED. FIRED. HE'S SABOTAGING THIS TEAM. AND ANOTHER THING. IF YOU GIVE ME ANOTHER PLATE OF DRIED FRUIT, I'M...(gets up quickly, and closes bathroom door) SONUVABITCH.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Don't Tell Tommy!
(Dodger Legend Tommy Lasorda was speaking at the Pasadena Art Fest about youth sports when urgent messages went between his handlers)
Rick: Uh oh...look at this text.
Tina: 4-1? We lost?
Rick: Yes, we lost all games against the Athletics.
Tina: Well, Tommy can't find out about this. Remember, the doc said--
Rick: I know, I know. But he wanted to hear the final score.
Tina: Tell him there's a rain out.
Rick: OK, but we'd better hurry, he's taking questions. Oh no!
Reporter: Mr. Lasorda, any thoughts on the Dodgers anemic performance in Oakland? In 3 losses, only 2 runs, and--
You mean to tell me that horseshit team SWEPT US?! TWO GODDAMN RUNS?! Where are those two...Rick and Tia? Why the hell couldn't YOU TELL ME THIS? I need to start making calls P-R-O-N-T-O.
Reporter: Tommy, I didn't mean-
We got my protege this weekend...if we're comin' in like that...that's a nice fuckin' start to the weekend.
Tina: Tommy, remember your blood pressure.
Fine. I won't get up. Somebody GET ME one of my award winning wines. I'll put Donny Yankees on speaker just so everyone here can listen.
(Mr. Lasorda was then told he would be "more comfortable" backstage)
Rick: Uh oh...look at this text.
Tina: 4-1? We lost?
Rick: Yes, we lost all games against the Athletics.
Tina: Well, Tommy can't find out about this. Remember, the doc said--
Rick: I know, I know. But he wanted to hear the final score.
Tina: Tell him there's a rain out.
Rick: OK, but we'd better hurry, he's taking questions. Oh no!
Reporter: Mr. Lasorda, any thoughts on the Dodgers anemic performance in Oakland? In 3 losses, only 2 runs, and--
You mean to tell me that horseshit team SWEPT US?! TWO GODDAMN RUNS?! Where are those two...Rick and Tia? Why the hell couldn't YOU TELL ME THIS? I need to start making calls P-R-O-N-T-O.
Reporter: Tommy, I didn't mean-
We got my protege this weekend...if we're comin' in like that...that's a nice fuckin' start to the weekend.
Tina: Tommy, remember your blood pressure.
Fine. I won't get up. Somebody GET ME one of my award winning wines. I'll put Donny Yankees on speaker just so everyone here can listen.
(Mr. Lasorda was then told he would be "more comfortable" backstage)
Sunday, June 17, 2012
When you open your eyes, what do you see?
I'd like to thank 30fps.mocksession.com for this screen grab of Jerry Meals at it again:
(You'll need to click open this photo)
You see an out to right field, and, through the magic of television, Matt Treanor (husband of Misty May) tagging up at 3rd. Jerry Meals is looking at...I don't know what, maybe right field, but NOT Treanor.
On appeal (or what looked like a 2nd appeal) Meals called Treanor out for not tagging up. Now, Jerry is no stranger to his own horseshit calls. It's not an MLB umpire's job to get it right, remember (because there is no fiscal or employment consequence when they get it wrong). But what happened next is the very embodiment of why MLB umpires are now neck and neck with NBA refs as the worst at their profession:
Donny Mustache rightfully comes out to remind Meals that he's a clueless oaf, but Meals denies this and, according to Donny, said he (Meals) was "100% right."
Up yours, Jerry, and may you also take that bullshit attitude and shove it where you keep your car keys.
100% wrong is what this looks like to me. And there would be no reason to heap this scorn on Meals if he didn't act like such a fucking know-nothing to a stadium full of people.
Donny's block quote:
"(Meals) was lined up, but he wasn't even watching. I saw the video, and his head was looking in the outfield," Mattingly said. "That's what's irritating. When they tell you they got it 100% right, it's hard to buy it when it costs you a run."
Thankfully, we know what Bud will do: nothing for Jerry, and suspend Donny Mustache. Just another day.
(You'll need to click open this photo)
You see an out to right field, and, through the magic of television, Matt Treanor (husband of Misty May) tagging up at 3rd. Jerry Meals is looking at...I don't know what, maybe right field, but NOT Treanor.
On appeal (or what looked like a 2nd appeal) Meals called Treanor out for not tagging up. Now, Jerry is no stranger to his own horseshit calls. It's not an MLB umpire's job to get it right, remember (because there is no fiscal or employment consequence when they get it wrong). But what happened next is the very embodiment of why MLB umpires are now neck and neck with NBA refs as the worst at their profession:
Donny Mustache rightfully comes out to remind Meals that he's a clueless oaf, but Meals denies this and, according to Donny, said he (Meals) was "100% right."
Up yours, Jerry, and may you also take that bullshit attitude and shove it where you keep your car keys.
100% wrong is what this looks like to me. And there would be no reason to heap this scorn on Meals if he didn't act like such a fucking know-nothing to a stadium full of people.
Donny's block quote:
"(Meals) was lined up, but he wasn't even watching. I saw the video, and his head was looking in the outfield," Mattingly said. "That's what's irritating. When they tell you they got it 100% right, it's hard to buy it when it costs you a run."
Thankfully, we know what Bud will do: nothing for Jerry, and suspend Donny Mustache. Just another day.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Reports of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
(Baseball legend Tommy Lasorda was admitted to a hospital this week for a mild heart attack. He was fully released this morning, and was invited to speak at a minor league ballpark this morning before joining the team in Seattle this weekend)
(crowd applauds)
Ah...all right. Doc said I gotta take it slow this week because even though everything checked out, I'm not supposed to push it. I do need to keep the blood flowing, so if I could get a glass of water...
Folks, I don't want to put any of this on myself. Baseball is a team game, and always will be. The Dodgers arrived in Philly and everyone said we're in a funk. Best record in the majors and we're in a funk?! Shows what those windbag writers know. I was gonna right the ship in this town real quick...and I think you know what that means...it means cheese-steak contest. I hit all the local haunts. Did Provolone instead of that other stuff, onions, peppers. So, I'm taking bites of each and trying to take notes when I saw some girl looking at me funny. You can never tell with these people in Philly. Remember what I always said about Philadelphia: it's a family town. Where else would you see 15 year old girls with babies?! Haha!
(Yawn) Oh man...trying not to get worked up. Well, I should have been focused but then I wondered if I had chosen an establishment that wouldn't meet my standards. Did this tour rep purposely give me a bad cheese-steak to take me down?
Next thing I know I'm in a room, with doctors talking to each other. I can't make heads or tails of what's going on, and no one's listening to me, so I ask "What the fuck is going on?" Finally I hear that I had a mild heart attack. Actually, folks, that was good news to me. It wasn't food poisoning or anything like that. The doctors reported all was fixed and, yes, I bleed Dodger Blue. Only problem I had was when I had Wallach set up an IV of one of my award winning wines, and some nurse caught him putting in another bottle.
Thursday afternoon, I get a call from Lopes. Says that the doctors weren't withholding information from me - they were just pissed off we swept the Phillies! 4 games in a row - how about that, you moron sportswriters! You think we're...
(cough) Right, right. Calming down. I didn't even get to have lobster at Bookbinder's. All right, off to Seattle. I see linguini and clams in my future. Huh? Oh, right. Baseball is a wonderful game at any level, and I'm glad I'm here!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Making a Good Thing Better
(Dodger legend and fill-in manager Tommy Lasorda spoke with reporters after yesterday's win over Colorado)
I tell ya something, this new ownership group is great! And, as you've noticed, we haven't missed a beat: we swept the Rockies, continuing our trend at the top of the National League. A lot of you guys are gonna ask me questions about Matt Kemp; if he's injured. But you saw who was in charge - you leave that to me.
One nice thing I've noticed since the group has taken over was if one of these guys doesn't like my idea, I just go to another one and ask. When I was growing up, I'd do the same thing. Dad says no? Then I ask my Ma, and she says "All right, son, you can enter the spumoni eating contest." It was that easy...and it's just as easy now! Last week I was talking to one of our co-owners, legendary movie producer Peter Guber. He's asking me all these questions and then follows it up with "I just think outside the box." Peter, I said, when you say that shit to me, I'm thinking batter's box, capice? So he follows that up with "Well, think very hard - what's the one thing with the Dodgers that you don't have that you'd like back." Now THAT was a tough question. I thought about players, dinners, the stadium, food, and meals, when I came up with something: Cool-A-Coo Ice Cream Bars! When Fox bought the team, out they went. Whatever happened to those?
Well, Guber wanted to impress me, so he found the guy who makes em, and we're bringing em back! That's the way to win back fans. But I wasn't ready for what happened next...
As you saw in yesterday's game, the moron fucking home plate umpire ejects Andre Ethier, and doesn't even have the cajones to tell him to his face that he's outta there. That kind of shit pisses me off! Donny went out there, and while he doesn't get that worked up, he gets tossed, too. You know what I say to that? GOOD! Tell that dipshit where to go! But then, right as I was about to order another salmon wrap, the phone rings. It's Guber.
"Tommy, Donny just got ejected. How soon can you get on your uniform?"
Now you readers know I'm retired. But, I do bleed Dodger Blue, and last year I managed the team on my birthday. If the owner wants you out there, you do what you have to do. Took me a while to find everything, so I didn't make it down until the bottom of the 8th. But we did it! Hey Lopes - fill up this cup with victory wine! Yeah...Wallach, if that fucking up is in the hallway, you let me know.
I tell ya something, this new ownership group is great! And, as you've noticed, we haven't missed a beat: we swept the Rockies, continuing our trend at the top of the National League. A lot of you guys are gonna ask me questions about Matt Kemp; if he's injured. But you saw who was in charge - you leave that to me.
One nice thing I've noticed since the group has taken over was if one of these guys doesn't like my idea, I just go to another one and ask. When I was growing up, I'd do the same thing. Dad says no? Then I ask my Ma, and she says "All right, son, you can enter the spumoni eating contest." It was that easy...and it's just as easy now! Last week I was talking to one of our co-owners, legendary movie producer Peter Guber. He's asking me all these questions and then follows it up with "I just think outside the box." Peter, I said, when you say that shit to me, I'm thinking batter's box, capice? So he follows that up with "Well, think very hard - what's the one thing with the Dodgers that you don't have that you'd like back." Now THAT was a tough question. I thought about players, dinners, the stadium, food, and meals, when I came up with something: Cool-A-Coo Ice Cream Bars! When Fox bought the team, out they went. Whatever happened to those?
Well, Guber wanted to impress me, so he found the guy who makes em, and we're bringing em back! That's the way to win back fans. But I wasn't ready for what happened next...
As you saw in yesterday's game, the moron fucking home plate umpire ejects Andre Ethier, and doesn't even have the cajones to tell him to his face that he's outta there. That kind of shit pisses me off! Donny went out there, and while he doesn't get that worked up, he gets tossed, too. You know what I say to that? GOOD! Tell that dipshit where to go! But then, right as I was about to order another salmon wrap, the phone rings. It's Guber.
"Tommy, Donny just got ejected. How soon can you get on your uniform?"
Now you readers know I'm retired. But, I do bleed Dodger Blue, and last year I managed the team on my birthday. If the owner wants you out there, you do what you have to do. Took me a while to find everything, so I didn't make it down until the bottom of the 8th. But we did it! Hey Lopes - fill up this cup with victory wine! Yeah...Wallach, if that fucking up is in the hallway, you let me know.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Movin' in, move 'em out
Things may seem like a fucking non-stop party out here for us Dodger fans. Slimeball McSleeeze no longer owns the team AND we (haha, right, "we") have the best record in baseball. So, no changes?
(Before I begin, I just want to summarize McSleeze's ownership to the following point: money from international scouting was nearly drained while McSleeze "bought" another house in Malibu that was for "laundry only")
All I can say is that the following players will be lucky each hallway has stacks of moving boxes because said players should be doing the packing up themselves...to ol NM.
Donny Mustache has a relatively solid infield right now. (This helps as "managing" still seems to give him trouble) Dee Gordon is a bit suspect because the whole "don't have to swing at every pitch" thing has yet to enter his gourd. Second to that would be "don't have to try to steal a base every pitch" but I get the feeling it makes Davey Lopes laugh. Swing man is Jerry Hairston...which is fine, because he's currently succeeding.
So, if this is the case, would you two gentlemen see Mr. Lasorda in his office?
Justin Sellers
(Photo taken at youth birthday party held at Dodger Stadium)
Justin has seen some mid-game action at short when Donny does a double switch and an occasional start. Donny praises him as "tough as can be" but so is Justin's ability to get a hit. Justin hit over .300 in ALB last year...let him get some seasoning there and then if you insist, give this 3 for 17 guy a try.
Adam Kennedy
(Cheeeeeeese)
Adam must have compromising photos of someone in the front office. Guy is 2 for 21. Might want to look into a career in insurance. Or auto sales. Maybe a bank teller...you're a social guy, we'll give you new accounts.
Honestly...that ain't bad if the rest is worth sorting out. The bullpen...well...let's just say Mr Guerra just kept his job last night as a 7-2 lead when Lilly left the game turned to 7-6 thanks to this "relief." I was prepping a failure blog post when Javy held the fail at bay.
I've written on this blog about the Dodge's favorable schedule, but they did just sweep the 1st place Nats over the weekend. Yet look what happens when they lose (keep in mind, as of this writing they are 17-7):
Loss at Milwaukee April 17th
Loss vs. Atlanta April 24th
Loss at Colorado April 30th
Those are some very salty BIGG DOGGZ SPORTS ZONE FANZ that don't like it when the Dodgers win. Well, all I can do is apologize to those 3 enterprising CBS comment kings and remind them (in-between their re-heating of the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls) that this month has brought us a new era...new owners, new deals, and less sleeeeeeese.
(Before I begin, I just want to summarize McSleeze's ownership to the following point: money from international scouting was nearly drained while McSleeze "bought" another house in Malibu that was for "laundry only")
All I can say is that the following players will be lucky each hallway has stacks of moving boxes because said players should be doing the packing up themselves...to ol NM.
Donny Mustache has a relatively solid infield right now. (This helps as "managing" still seems to give him trouble) Dee Gordon is a bit suspect because the whole "don't have to swing at every pitch" thing has yet to enter his gourd. Second to that would be "don't have to try to steal a base every pitch" but I get the feeling it makes Davey Lopes laugh. Swing man is Jerry Hairston...which is fine, because he's currently succeeding.
So, if this is the case, would you two gentlemen see Mr. Lasorda in his office?
Justin Sellers
(Photo taken at youth birthday party held at Dodger Stadium)
Justin has seen some mid-game action at short when Donny does a double switch and an occasional start. Donny praises him as "tough as can be" but so is Justin's ability to get a hit. Justin hit over .300 in ALB last year...let him get some seasoning there and then if you insist, give this 3 for 17 guy a try.
Adam Kennedy
(Cheeeeeeese)
Adam must have compromising photos of someone in the front office. Guy is 2 for 21. Might want to look into a career in insurance. Or auto sales. Maybe a bank teller...you're a social guy, we'll give you new accounts.
Honestly...that ain't bad if the rest is worth sorting out. The bullpen...well...let's just say Mr Guerra just kept his job last night as a 7-2 lead when Lilly left the game turned to 7-6 thanks to this "relief." I was prepping a failure blog post when Javy held the fail at bay.
I've written on this blog about the Dodge's favorable schedule, but they did just sweep the 1st place Nats over the weekend. Yet look what happens when they lose (keep in mind, as of this writing they are 17-7):
Loss at Milwaukee April 17th
OBP-482 April 18, 2012 12:09 amDodgers finally played a real baseball team, with predictable results.
Loss vs. Atlanta April 24th
Willie Dog April 25, 2012 1:51 amYou
have to play teams other than san diego , pittsburg and houston . The
Dodgers record will adjust to the competition and become a 3rd place
team in the west soon after .
Loss at Colorado April 30th
West Coast Guy May 1, 2012 6:20 amFunny how the Dodgers don't do so well when they don't face a steady diet of the AAA Padres on their schedule!
Those are some very salty BIGG DOGGZ SPORTS ZONE FANZ that don't like it when the Dodgers win. Well, all I can do is apologize to those 3 enterprising CBS comment kings and remind them (in-between their re-heating of the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls) that this month has brought us a new era...new owners, new deals, and less sleeeeeeese.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Now THAT'S a great first course!
(Baseball legend Tommy Lasorda took time in-between courses to discuss the Dodgers strong start)
Mmmm! This is fantastic! Really sticks to my ribs, which is getting harder and harder to do. But that is a wonderful first course. I'll tell you another great first course - playing the Pirates so early in the season! The Dodgers just took care of those guys in orderly fashion and swept em right outta town. Nice to see some things never change. That puts us to 6-1, which is our best start since 1981. I don't need to remind you what happened that year! The one bad thing about the Pirates series was that Vin Scully was unable to call the games due to illness. Of course, we all wish him immediate good health. Dodger baseball isn't the same without him.
(belch) Whoop. Where's the waiter? Gettin' the salad? OK. You wanna know something? I'm gonna give you inside information on this "blog" - you keep this between you and me. Vin is sick, but honestly? He just didn't want to call these Pirates games. When we got the schedule, he and I were reviewing it over chicken cordon bleu at The Grill on the Alley. Vin saw that and said "Oh Tommy. Heavens, no. The Pirates? I suppose we could draw a parallel to college football homecoming." I couldn't figure it out until he said MLB must have awarded us the Pirates due to all this shit with new owners. Do they really do that?
Then I thought about how Selig a decade ago used to make sure the Yankees started off with the Royals or Tampa (back when they were dogshit) every year. We'd all look at that and say "what a fucking coincidence. Looks like another great start." Then I see our start this year: Padres and Pirates. Maybe I should stop complaining! But I can't blame Vin for wanting to avoid boredom by--
Ah...that looks great. Yeah, a little pepper...I need fresh Parmesan cheese on this too, you know.
(Mr. Lasorda, while dining on salad, told an "off the record" story about how (NAME DELETED) had a "girlfriend" in (AREA DELETED) and his attempts to keep up the relationship despite playing the Nationals once a year)
Mmmm! This is fantastic! Really sticks to my ribs, which is getting harder and harder to do. But that is a wonderful first course. I'll tell you another great first course - playing the Pirates so early in the season! The Dodgers just took care of those guys in orderly fashion and swept em right outta town. Nice to see some things never change. That puts us to 6-1, which is our best start since 1981. I don't need to remind you what happened that year! The one bad thing about the Pirates series was that Vin Scully was unable to call the games due to illness. Of course, we all wish him immediate good health. Dodger baseball isn't the same without him.
(belch) Whoop. Where's the waiter? Gettin' the salad? OK. You wanna know something? I'm gonna give you inside information on this "blog" - you keep this between you and me. Vin is sick, but honestly? He just didn't want to call these Pirates games. When we got the schedule, he and I were reviewing it over chicken cordon bleu at The Grill on the Alley. Vin saw that and said "Oh Tommy. Heavens, no. The Pirates? I suppose we could draw a parallel to college football homecoming." I couldn't figure it out until he said MLB must have awarded us the Pirates due to all this shit with new owners. Do they really do that?
Then I thought about how Selig a decade ago used to make sure the Yankees started off with the Royals or Tampa (back when they were dogshit) every year. We'd all look at that and say "what a fucking coincidence. Looks like another great start." Then I see our start this year: Padres and Pirates. Maybe I should stop complaining! But I can't blame Vin for wanting to avoid boredom by--
Ah...that looks great. Yeah, a little pepper...I need fresh Parmesan cheese on this too, you know.
(Mr. Lasorda, while dining on salad, told an "off the record" story about how (NAME DELETED) had a "girlfriend" in (AREA DELETED) and his attempts to keep up the relationship despite playing the Nationals once a year)
Friday, April 6, 2012
Notable Quotables
"When we win a game, it's a team win...when we lose a game, it's a team loss."
-Morris Buttermaker, North Valley League Coach
Here it is, opening day (Only Bud would spread out "Opening Day" to become "Opening Week") and we find out the Dodgers' Cy Young pitcher has the stomach flu. Vin says he wants to pitch, and so he does. The camera is sure to have a close-up on Kershaw's face in-between pitches as he holds back dry heaves. Nice touch. Vin summarizes Kershaw's ailments and says "he had diarrhea, upchuck, fever, all of that." Vin said "upchuck"; I can die in peace.
Through 3 innings, a sick Kershaw gives up 2 hits and strikes out 3. He also gets a hit himself with one of the weakest swings since I visited the batting cages. Supposedly, Donny Mustache saw Kershaw laying down in the hallway in-between innings and decided that was enough. This means, instead of a rock who can go 9 no problem, the Dodge have to turn the rest of the game over to the bullpen.
(Nervously looked away from the TV)
As up in the air as things still might be, we can be thankful for those wise words...
"Life sucks, and then you manage the Padres."
-Donovan Brandt
But...not a real bad performance. In the car listening to the 7th, I began to hear dreaded words.
"Bottom of the 7th, and Matt Guerrier in for the Dodgers."
-Charley Steiner
GRRRR. We didn't trade him, or cut him. He's here, not Albuquerque. (sigh) Fine...show me what you got. No runs/no hits? Ah...the coin landed "heads" and you looked like a good pitcher. Hoo boy, after a Matt Kemp zonk, up 4, Donny must have felt truly secure sending in...Kenley Jansen. Can I give that guy a key to the city of Alb---
NICE. NICE TOUCH, JANSEN. Give those 2 runs back.
OK, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I overly concerned because I see so little different in this team's personnel from last year? Should I calm down because it'll be a month until we can actually spend money? If this was a random game in July, I wouldn't really care so...
The 9th comes, and Javy Guerra, a pitcher mentioned on this blog a year ago overdue to arrive in town, gets the save. When the Dodge get 5 runs, it should be consider an offensive explosion. (Unlike an "offensive explosion" that happens when Tommy visits the can) So we waited all winter...it's just a matter of adjusting your priorities now that the season started. Take it from Tommy, who left this nugget on Twitter while visiting Peoria a few weeks ago:
"If you think you can break the meatball record @grimaldispizza come join me."
Don't ever change, Pisan.
-Morris Buttermaker, North Valley League Coach
Here it is, opening day (Only Bud would spread out "Opening Day" to become "Opening Week") and we find out the Dodgers' Cy Young pitcher has the stomach flu. Vin says he wants to pitch, and so he does. The camera is sure to have a close-up on Kershaw's face in-between pitches as he holds back dry heaves. Nice touch. Vin summarizes Kershaw's ailments and says "he had diarrhea, upchuck, fever, all of that." Vin said "upchuck"; I can die in peace.
Through 3 innings, a sick Kershaw gives up 2 hits and strikes out 3. He also gets a hit himself with one of the weakest swings since I visited the batting cages. Supposedly, Donny Mustache saw Kershaw laying down in the hallway in-between innings and decided that was enough. This means, instead of a rock who can go 9 no problem, the Dodge have to turn the rest of the game over to the bullpen.
(Nervously looked away from the TV)
As up in the air as things still might be, we can be thankful for those wise words...
"Life sucks, and then you manage the Padres."
-Donovan Brandt
But...not a real bad performance. In the car listening to the 7th, I began to hear dreaded words.
"Bottom of the 7th, and Matt Guerrier in for the Dodgers."
-Charley Steiner
GRRRR. We didn't trade him, or cut him. He's here, not Albuquerque. (sigh) Fine...show me what you got. No runs/no hits? Ah...the coin landed "heads" and you looked like a good pitcher. Hoo boy, after a Matt Kemp zonk, up 4, Donny must have felt truly secure sending in...Kenley Jansen. Can I give that guy a key to the city of Alb---
NICE. NICE TOUCH, JANSEN. Give those 2 runs back.
OK, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I overly concerned because I see so little different in this team's personnel from last year? Should I calm down because it'll be a month until we can actually spend money? If this was a random game in July, I wouldn't really care so...
The 9th comes, and Javy Guerra, a pitcher mentioned on this blog a year ago overdue to arrive in town, gets the save. When the Dodge get 5 runs, it should be consider an offensive explosion. (Unlike an "offensive explosion" that happens when Tommy visits the can) So we waited all winter...it's just a matter of adjusting your priorities now that the season started. Take it from Tommy, who left this nugget on Twitter while visiting Peoria a few weeks ago:
"If you think you can break the meatball record @grimaldispizza come join me."
Don't ever change, Pisan.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Eat it, White Sox!
Sure, the Twins have as much of a chance to bring the trophy home as the Wolves do. Sure, success under Bill Smith was quantified mostly in donut-holes-eaten. Sure, Ben Revere tops out at 5'6". Sure, Carl Pavano anchors the staff.
But when it comes to near-impossible World Series odds, WE GOT THE WHITE SOX BEAT!
------------------------
The truth: this is the saddest I've been to be a Twins fan since Denny Hocking played on the team.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)