Highty Tighty, boys!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!

Hootin tootin' howdy ho, boys! Name of Capps, Matt Capps, just come up here nort' in a trade a few days ago to he'p out your team with the baseball. Y'know, a lot of folks was askin questions about who exactly I ran with and what sorts of old boys I done played with, so I thought it might be proper to come in here and give it to you square.


Howdy dowdy, boys, you got yourself quite a stadium here! I sure do like the hospitality you folks give out... reminds me of back home. See I come up from Douglasville, out by Bremen and not far from Temple, and daddy we sure do appreciate our kin. The town I grew up in was pretty small, hell you could fit two of em in your nice new ballfield!

You see them wreaths right? Them's put up by Lady Maris, she done all the stitchin' herself goin on 30 years. And them stoplights is new since I left. Ain't had much reason to go back lately, hell I get all the grubbin I need from the Colonel up here!


so what does old Matty Capps do for fun, I hear you askin. Shoo' it ain't too hard to figure, I like the same things most ol' boys do: drinkin Shiner, whoopin it up at the horse pullin' regionals, and BBH, boy!

You know the Buck, you done seen it next to Silver Strike down at the B-dog. Well, Big Buck Hunter takes on all comers, it's still the game with the best bonuses and the most fun when 3 or 4 buddies are knockin back Busch and grab-assin on the waitresses! Hoo-eeeyyy!!!!!


Now I hear y'all wantin to get right down to it. You say, "Hey Matty, what's the brew of choice here in the up-country?" Well, hell boys, I see this place is just like Pittsburgh and ever other smallish metro area and you got yourself a rash of them "microbeers". Hellfire, son, I can't stand no hops in the brew! Gimme the Nat!!!! When you start talkin' mess about "grain this" and "yeast that", I say, forget that, just hand me a bowler of Coors and git out my way! Well anyway, the beer of choice up here is Northern.

They call it a "sweet brew", and I say amen to that! I found a case in old LeCroy's old locker when I first come up, and they said they was a holdin' it for me. Hells bells, boys, I was through that mother in less than an hour! Old LeCroy come up to me jes this morning and tol't me that it's a perfect fishin' brew, on account of how good it is to drink, but that it will also perk up a leech like nobody's business. Sho hogg!!!!


Speakin of Matty LeCroy, he's from up Belton way, out the land of south carolin-ey. I talked to him when he was with the Nats back a piece, and he done tol' me all I need to know about Minn'sota. He says as long as you keep up the intake of breaded cod, don't never leave town without a seperate duffel bag of Boggs Lite, and swing a curtain rod at empties for quarters in Thome's room, the rest is all gravy... literally. He turned me onto Lloyd's, and boy can they pull some pork!!!

That right there is a pitcher from when LeCroy was given a XXL shirt... he couldn't hardly git that thing buttoned!

Well boys, that about does 'er for old Matt, I'm plum wore out from bangin on this here e-Machines in Boof's old locker. I'll tell them other boys you done said hello, and I appreciate the welcome y'all give me when I step out there. You keep tossin em back, and I'll meet you up with you at Bunnies one of these nights!